I don’t think my life’s journey is much different from most folks. From a young age I was given to believe that there are two aspects to a human being: the physical side and the spiritual side. As a growing young boy I was told to focus on the spiritual aspects: building up my treasures in heaven, saying my prayers in the morning and at night, keeping notice of myself because I knew that God was always watching me. The goal of my spiritual practices was to keep myself in His good graces and get to Heaven or risk being sent to ‘the Other Place!’ The physical side of me, my humanity, was seen as sinful and a play-toy for the devil to tempt into his dark and smoky lair. Between my parents, the parish priest and the nuns and teachers who taught me at the Catholic school I attended, I had a pretty good idea of just what might await me at either place and so I became the best little boy in the world.
Into my teens I stopped agreeing with everything the ‘church’ said, but I still held onto my beliefs. I’m not sure when I came to understand that my spirituality was not necessarily tied to my religion, but I know it was before I started my seminary training which lasted until I came face to face with my own sexuality and couldn’t go on with theological studies knowing that I could never make a vow of celibacy in good conscience. This didn’t separate me from the ‘church’ or spirituality. I continued to participate and follow the precepts set by Rome as best as I could until I couldn’t in good conscience continue due to a church letter which basically said that I was intrinsically evil because I was being true to my nature. The Vatican and I went our separate ways. Neither of us missed each other much, I’m sure.
And I continued my spiritual journey without religious guidance. I was graced with the ability to think logically, thanks in part, ironically, to my seminary training in philosophy. I have looked at other religions and belief systems, discovering more of what they have in common rather than focusing on their differences and seeing how I can incorporate their best parts into my own life. It’s a journey that I continue today, more than 30 years later, with some ups and downs along the way; few have scaled a mountain without the odd slip here and there.
What is interesting to me is I still feel that same spiritual tug that I felt when I was a child. I don’t believe in the God I grew up with and who looked a lot like the Roman god Zeus and who hurled thunderbolts. I usually don’t use the word ‘God’ or ‘god’ when talking with people because it has so many connotations and brings up way too much imagery for many people. But I do have a ‘God of my understanding,’ and I often share that as long as he isn’t the guy who looks back at me in the mirror, I’m well looked after. I still believe that we have a spiritual side as well as a physical side, but today I know that they are inextricably linked together. My spiritual being, my consciousness, experiences itself and life through my physical being, which in turn, experiences itself because it is, itself, conscious. It’s sort of like the chicken and the egg conundrum: you need both to have either.
I still look to Jesus for some of his teaching and I’ve added Buddha and Krishna to my list of spiritual guides. I also look to the Stoic philosophers like Epictetus and Marcus Aurelius as well as contemporaries like Wayne Dyer, Joe Dispenza, and Vishen Lakhiani. And I would be very remiss not to add the importance the twelve step program that I have been following these last ten years for my spiritual as well as physical wellbeing. I enjoy sharing my experiences with others and hearing of their own trek to where they presently find themselves. With open-mindedness and willingness I have traveled far down this road which has brought together the spiritual and physical aspects of my being. It’s a journey everyone’s invited to take in whatever way that works for them.
I’ve concluded that there is no conclusion: I can continue this journey for the rest of my days and never tire from the process. And I think that’s the point: there is no ‘end’ in spirituality, no destination only the journey. There are many pathways leading us onward and everyone’s pathway is just as valid as the next. While I sometimes wish that I had worked at this with more dedication and time in the past and be further along the path than I am, I also know that where I am on my pathway is exactly where I am supposed to be right now because, well, here I am. And you are where you are. What’s important is to keep going, to seek greater depth and understanding while being grateful for where we are at the present moment: living in the ‘now’. There is no final goal at the end. Happiness, peace of mind and serenity along the way are my reward. Enjoy trudging your own road of Happy Destiny.
One thought on “Trudging the Road”
I have never read a better description of âWho I Amâ than that one. It`s simple, it`s deep and it`s honest. Congratulations amigo.
Is this really you? Can I have some of the goodies preeese?