Happiness

Opening the Door to Change

/ Tim / Leave a comment

When I was still in the throws of my addictions I only had a faint idea of what I was really doing to myself; the physical, emotional and mental harm I caused, not only to me, but those who cared about me. Part of that is because I spent most of my time seeking out and planning out the next ‘party’ and part of it was because of my ‘buddies’ at the time. I hung around folks who acted like me and thought like me. One of the first ‘suggestions’ I received in recovery was to step away from those people, places and things that were part of my life that I wished to leave behind; close that door and open a new one. Simple enough advice, but why did it take decades to realize it?

In order to change how I was living, I had to change how I was living.

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I replaced my barstool for a chair in a meeting room and changed what I thought about by listening to and reading recovery literature. I started to listen to others in recovery. I started to talk to others about what I was going through. I helped out with cleaning up after the meetings and did some socializing with the new people I was meeting. I got myself an excellent sponsor and I began to study the Twelve Steps of Recovery with him. Over the course of the next six months I changed a great deal. The change was gradual, almost imperceptible to me, but very obvious to those that I hadn’t frightened off in the previous years. I changed my perspective, what I was looking at, and everything changed.

G.I.G.O.: Garbage In: Garbage Out…..or…..GOOD IN: GOOD OUT!

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Every one of us is the direct result of what we put into our bodies, minds and spirit. Western society’s fixation of fast cheap food had pushed obesity to the extreme. You simply can’t have a healthy body if you continue to put unhealthy food into it. Same with the mind. If you want a healthy mind, be aware of what you are putting into it. What are you watching, reading, listening to? Who are your buddies? Where are you spending most of your time? As the saying goes; tell me who your friends are and I will tell you who you are!

It takes mindfulness, conscious action and a determination to build the life you want to have. I used to put the cart ahead of the horse. I thought that if I had x, y, and z then I would be happy. I have discovered that happiness is the result of living according to my values and principles. Happiness is the realization that I am living right. When I am happy, the x, y and z will come to me, or, more likely, I will discover that I while I may ‘want’ those things, I really don’t ‘need’ them.

Yes, I had to leave my old buddies behind when I came into recovery. I found new ones who honoured my recovery and who helped me along the way. I let the old buddies know where I was and what I was doing and left the door open for them to come through but made it clear that I had no intention of walking back through that door and onto my old barstool. And as long as I continue to pursue new ‘Good’ to put into my body, mind and soul, I know that I will continue to move forward in life.

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The ‘Tim’ of the past is gone.

One of the most profound lessons I had to learn in recovery was that I had to let go of the ‘Tim’ that I knew in order for a new person to emerge. This is a lesson that I repeat daily, asking my Higher Power to ‘relieve me of the bondage of self’: to free me from my ego’s enslavement. If I wish to continue to grow today I must shed the old skin of yesterday and I do that by being mindful and aware of the people, places and things I’m spending my time with. Only by this daily renewal do I continue to move forward in this incredible journey of discovery that is life.

Slip, Slide or Thrive

/ Tim / 3 Comments

I came to a realization this past week: I’ve let go of many of the things that keep my life stable, balanced and smooth. I’d let go of the things that keep me physically, mentally and spiritually sound.

It’s sort of like when you stop looking after your car. You don’t bother with an oil change. You put water into the radiator instead of coolant. Those filters really don’t need to be changed, they’re fine for now. The brakes squeak a bit, but they still work. The effects of not maintaining the car usually aren’t sudden. Maybe it takes a few more cranks to start the car than before, or braking time is lengthened. Perhaps the exhaust contains more hydrocarbons than before, but I wouldn’t know about that because, well, it a slow process and I’m not aware of it. One day, the car fails to start, or stop, because maintenance, regular maintenance, is necessary to it’s function.

For me, it started about seven or eight months ago. I came back from a short vacation and the friend I always went to the gym with decided he was too busy to go and so I stopped going too. There was always next week. Then, somewhere along the line, I stopped getting up earlier and meditating because I thought I wasn’t getting enough sleep. I stopped reading enlightening and educational material and focused more on Netflix and YouTube for my entertainment. I stopped blogging and I let go of journaling.

I visited my family for the month of December, knowing that I would have plenty of time to get back to, at least, meditation and reading, but somehow I let myself be distracted by social media, the news and spider solitaire. I did buy a new book for journaling, but no words were written into it. I also let my eating habits include loads of sugar because, well, I’m spending Christmas with the family for the first time in 20 years.

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When I returned home in January my clothes weren’t fitting as well as they used to. I made the effort to go to the gym and committed myself to a minimum of three workouts a week. In fits and stops I have started a morning meditation, I’ve done some journaling and I am working on getting back to a comfortable sleep pattern. I am nowhere near being back to what was my ‘normal’ way of life, but I am working on it, and it’s getting better.

A human has three very important facets in its being: physical, mental and spiritual. All of these function together whether we realize it or not. Letting one facet get out of balance affects the others and though these effects are subtle, like the car that isn’t maintained, they happen none the less, resulting in a slow spiral downward. For me, my moods became darker, my emotions more volatile and my motivation pretty much got up and walked out the door.

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I am grateful that I didn’t go further down the dark path I was starting to get used to. I know that it is the work that I have done on those three important facets of my life in the past that reminded me that my life didn’t have to be this way. Personal maintenance my not always be easy, it takes a lot of self discipline to do the work in the gym and diet, to commit to a daily writing, meditation and educational practice, but I know that it is the difference between just existing and really thriving in life.

Physical, mental and spiritual health are not separate. They work together. It’s my choice whether or not to commit to the practices that are best for me. I know which I prefer. I know how I wish to feel about my body, my mind and my soul. I’m working my way back onto the pathway I wish to trudge in this life.

Trudging the Road

/ Tim / 1 Comment
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I don’t think my life’s journey is much different from most folks. From a young age I was given to believe that there are two aspects to a human being: the physical side and the spiritual side. As a growing young boy I was told to focus on the spiritual aspects: building up my treasures in heaven, saying my prayers in the morning and at night, keeping notice of myself because I knew that God was always watching me. The goal of my spiritual practices was to keep myself in His good graces and get to Heaven or risk being sent to ‘the Other Place!’ The physical side of me, my humanity, was seen as sinful and a play-toy for the devil to tempt into his dark and smoky lair. Between my parents, the parish priest and the nuns and teachers who taught me at the Catholic school I attended, I had a pretty good idea of just what might await me at either place and so I became the best little boy in the world.

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Into my teens I stopped agreeing with everything the ‘church’ said, but I still held onto my beliefs. I’m not sure when I came to understand that my spirituality was not necessarily tied to my religion, but I know it was before I started my seminary training which lasted until I came face to face with my own sexuality and couldn’t go on with theological studies knowing that I could never make a vow of celibacy in good conscience. This didn’t separate me from the ‘church’ or spirituality. I continued to participate and follow the precepts set by Rome as best as I could until I couldn’t in good conscience continue due to a church letter which basically said that I was intrinsically evil because I was being true to my nature. The Vatican and I went our separate ways. Neither of us missed each other much, I’m sure.

And I continued my spiritual journey without religious guidance. I was graced with the ability to think logically, thanks in part, ironically, to my seminary training in philosophy. I have looked at other religions and belief systems, discovering more of what they have in common rather than focusing on their differences and seeing how I can incorporate their best parts into my own life. It’s a journey that I continue today, more than 30 years later, with some ups and downs along the way; few have scaled a mountain without the odd slip here and there.

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What is interesting to me is I still feel that same spiritual tug that I felt when I was a child. I don’t believe in the God I grew up with and who looked a lot like the Roman god Zeus and who hurled thunderbolts. I usually don’t use the word ‘God’ or ‘god’ when talking with people because it has so many connotations and brings up way too much imagery for many people. But I do have a ‘God of my understanding,’ and I often share that as long as he isn’t the guy who looks back at me in the mirror, I’m well looked after. I still believe that we have a spiritual side as well as a physical side, but today I know that they are inextricably linked together. My spiritual being, my consciousness, experiences itself and life through my physical being, which in turn, experiences itself because it is, itself, conscious. It’s sort of like the chicken and the egg conundrum: you need both to have either.

I still look to Jesus for some of his teaching and I’ve added Buddha and Krishna to my list of spiritual guides. I also look to the Stoic philosophers like Epictetus and Marcus Aurelius as well as contemporaries like Wayne Dyer, Joe Dispenza, and Vishen Lakhiani. And I would be very remiss not to add the importance the twelve step program that I have been following these last ten years for my spiritual as well as physical wellbeing. I enjoy sharing my experiences with others and hearing of their own trek to where they presently find themselves. With open-mindedness and willingness I have traveled far down this road which has brought together the spiritual and physical aspects of my being. It’s a journey everyone’s invited to take in whatever way that works for them.

Rural Evening – Silversurfers

I’ve concluded that there is no conclusion: I can continue this journey for the rest of my days and never tire from the process. And I think that’s the point: there is no ‘end’ in spirituality, no destination only the journey. There are many pathways leading us onward and everyone’s pathway is just as valid as the next. While I sometimes wish that I had worked at this with more dedication and time in the past and be further along the path than I am, I also know that where I am on my pathway is exactly where I am supposed to be right now because, well, here I am. And you are where you are. What’s important is to keep going, to seek greater depth and understanding while being grateful for where we are at the present moment: living in the ‘now’. There is no final goal at the end. Happiness, peace of mind and serenity along the way are my reward. Enjoy trudging your own road of Happy Destiny.