There are times when I want to be loud and boisterous and the centre of attention. At other times I retreat and I am quiet. Most of the time I am somewhere in between on the continuum of emotion. The past couple of weeks have been ones of retreat and reflection. I’ve been taking it a bit easy physically as I hurt my back and need to rest. I have learned as well that when something happens to me physically, there is always something on the spiritual side I need to take special care of as well. Oh I still do the necessary things and fulfill my commitments, but my interests in other things is not as keen as at other times.
More and more medicine is discovering that the physical disease is a result of how we think and feel. There is no separation between the body and the soul; they are entwined within the self. I’ve heard of the link between worry and stomach ulcers for years. But there’s also plenty of evidence to link depression with heart disease and anger with arthritis. Research is also showing that there is direct result between how quickly one recovers or is cured of a disease and one active participation in the cure.
I believe that my addiction is a direct result of not feeling connected with others and the world. The further I got into my addiction the less I was connected and the more I isolated myself from the world. Therefore it makes sense to me that my actively participating in reconnecting myself to the world around me will result in establishing and maintaining my recovery. The program of recovery is the twelve steps that help us to look at ourselves and bring us out of that self and to make contact again.
So, is my withdrawal from the world a sign of an immanent relapse? Am I going back to older behaviours of isolation? I don’t believe it is. I think it is just my body and spirit taking a break from what is going on about me to reflect on what has happened in the past year or so and to take stock of what worked and what didn’t, to do some introspection and review the lessons I’ve been given. I can use this time to look toward where I wish to go in the future; in order to write the next chapter I need to know what was written before or I’m likely to forget and repeat the same story over again.
To everything, there is a season, we are told. My back will heal and the mental rest will give me a fresh perspective on the next part of life. I know that spring will come. Body and spirit will heal together and trod on this journey.