Living Change

If I don’t change, I won’t change.  

How often in life have we not liked a situation or circumstances and done nothing about them? Perhaps it was a job, a relationship or a where we were living that wasn’t working out. Oh, we could and did complain.  We complained about the boss, the spouse, or the neighbourhood to whoever would listen. However, a situation never resolves itself unless something changes.

When I find myself in an intolerable situation I have two of choices. I can either do nothing and hope that somehow it will get better, or I can make the change I want to see. I used to be a master at the first option.  I let it slide.  I’d tell myself it really wasn’t that bad.  I would hope that things got better, I would ignore it. I’d use it as another reason to escape into my addiction.  I saw myself as a victim of circumstances or of other people. Rarely did I do anything about it because that would involve me making changes.  It’s amazing how we can learn to accept even the most intolerable conditons rather than make a change.

“Better the devil you know than the devil you don’t know.”

Often I don’t make a change because I fear that if I make a change things will get worse instead of better. This attitude can be traces back to the idea that we must accept our lot in life.  I think serf and slave owners fed us that work ethic. We saw ourselves victims of fate or karma about which we had no control.

Or when we saw others making changes in their lives we focused on their failures, or the amount of effort it took to make the change.  We didn’t think we had the necessary abilities or talents to accomplish something similar in our lives.  Probably nothing has held us back more than social pressure.  “Don’t rock the boat,” we were told.  The pressure to conform and be similar to everyone else in our group was too difficult to break away from.  We would be all alone if we did something different. No, we had no choice but to keep with the status quo.  Or so we thought.

What doesn’t kill me will make me stronger.

One of the things I have learned in the past few years in recovery is that I can survive anything.  I know because I have.  I have gone through some difficutlt times in sobriety: ending relationships, changes in health, income shifts, moving to a different country.  I have survived each major challenge and I believe, learned from each one.  Yes there is fear of the unknown.  Yes there are obstacles.  Yes river is riddled with rocks and eddies. And yet here I am. I have always and will always survive whatever comes my way until I don’t.

I know that I have a connection to something greater than myself.  I have come to the conclusion that the next right thing for me to do is what I do.  There is no right or wrong. There are only options.  Sometimes I like the outcome and sometimes I don’t.  But I am making changes, I am learning, I am moving beyond my fears.  If my Higher Power loves and cares about me then I know I can trust whatever comes my way.

I embrace change. Sometimes, I admit, it’s about as whole-hearted as hugging a porcupine, but I do it anyway.  I know that life is change and nothing stays the same. Oh, I can fight the current, thrash away to keep myself from going through those rapids ahead, but eventually, I will have to go through what lies ahead.  Why not save the energy and trust.  My fear tells me there is only one possible outcome: disaster. False! There are many possible outcomes to every situation.  I am learning that I get through the rapids much quicker if I let the current take me.

Faith will move mountains, but bring a shovel.

I choose to rely upon my Higher Power.  I choose to move forward. I choose change over stagnation.  I will do the work to move ahead and to grow.  I trust.  I am the change I wish to be.  I may not always be successful by the standards of the world around me,  but I’m learning and for me, that’s what this life is all about.

♥  ♥  ♥

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Peace