My Attitude, My Choice

October 2, 2017October 1, 2017 / Tim / 1 Comment

It’s often so easy to fall into negativity, self-criticism and morbidity. ‘Oh woe is me and the world is going to hell in a handbasket!’ If I focus on the news, the dramas around me and what others tell me I ‘should’ know about, then I am liable to fall into this view of life. However, I have discovered that I can just as easily choose to focus on positivity, self-esteem and optimism.

For some reason, focusing on the first, the negative aspects of life, is viewed as having a realistic attitude toward life and looking at the positive is seen as ‘airy-fairy’. I am being a realist when I look at the war mongering leaders in the world, but rather naïve when I look at the benefits of nuclear energy and nuclear medicine. In one part of the Serengeti the headline reads, “Gazelle brutally attacked and murdered by pack of thug lions!” On the other side of the Plain, the headline is, “Lioness brings food for her family and shares her fortune with others.” How is one more realistic than the other? Both are true. The perspective is what is different. How can I say that one is more ‘real’ than the other?

I can’t. I cannot know the ins and outs of my Higher Power’s plan for this world I find myself in. My judgement is inherently flawed because I am unable to see the whole picture of what is going on. Perhaps I can look at my Higher Power as a drone flying above the city looking down at the car I’m driving. Right in front of me, a couple of elderly folks are slowly making their way across the street. She drops her cane and the old man puts his hand on my car to support himself as he bends over to pick it up for her. I’m late, I have a meeting to get to and these old fogies are making me later. How bloody frustrating! Hurry up you old SOB and stop marring the shine on my hood!

Up above in the drone, my Higher Power is looking down. He sees all of the traffic in the city. He see that two blocks ahead of me a distracted mother is about to run a stop sign and head through the intersection at a good clip because she is taking her sick child to the hospital. That car makes it through and, after the people in front of me finally get to sidewalk, I make my way up the street and get to my meeting safely. My attitude, my frustration, my judgement of the people crossing the street wasn’t necessary. I can’t see what’s around the corner. I know my Higher Power can. The wrinkly old dame dropped her cane and saved my life.

I have a very important choice in life. That choice is where I focus my attention. The human brain can only focus on one thing at a time. I choose to focus on the positive aspect. I choose to look at the good, the wondrous and bright things I encounter in my world. That doesn’t make me unrealistic. That doesn’t mean I am denying the hunger, sadness or poverty in the world. It means that I am not going to allow those things to depress my spirit. The joy I encounter is just as real as the sadness you discover. I am quite capable to discovering your sadness too. Trust me, I have a PhD in depression and used it for many years. The point is, I don’t have to. I can choose to see the glass half full, or half empty. It’s the same reality, just a different perspective. Or, I can look at that glass as ‘refillable’! Wow, that’s a whole new concept that goes beyond the half full/empty scenario!

I know that life isn’t all rainbows, unicorns and butterflies. I also know that it’s not all mud and snakes and demons either. Focusing on the first makes me happy. It fills me with joy. It give me a reason to spread happiness. That is what I want in my life. I know my Higher Power has my back. I know that I will always be looked after. I know that I will be able to get through everything in life, until I don’t. Meanwhile, I choose to focus on the positive angle. Happiness, joy and freedom are what I want in my life. What do you want in yours?

♥ ♥ ♥

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Peace

Ten Tidbits (Timbits?)

September 18, 2017September 12, 2017 / Tim / 2 Comments

I’ve learned a lot of life lessons since coming into the program. This is not an exhaustive list and not in any order of importance. Think of these as a few thoughts that popped into my head.

1. I am not alone. For many years in my disease I didn’t want to admit that I needed anyone and at the end I didn’t want to admit that I needed help. Even after starting the process of recovery it was difficult to ask for help. This was foreign territory for me, both the program and the asking for help.

2. It’s the engine that kills you, not the caboose. It never crossed my mind that the first hit or shot of something was what got my addiction going. Once I had something in my system, the obsession took over and all of my resolve disolved. I said only one, and suddenly I had ten. The first one is the deadly one that took me down the track each time. The last one, just kept me out of it a little bit longer.

3. What other people think is none of my business. This one was difficult for me to wrap my head around. I slowly came to understand that when I was worried and thinking about what others might think about me, then I was giving my will over to them so that they would like me, I was handing over my self esteem to others and praying for a pat on the head. I know now that I have to be true to myself. It’s nice if others like me, but it’s not necessary.

4. Faith will move mountains, but bring a shovel. I have learned that I am not helpless. There are many things that I can and must do to maintain my sobriety. I know I have a Higher Power who has always looked after me. I have to look after me too. To get to sobriety takes work, work that I have to do.

5. Not to decide is still a decision. I had heard this one years before, but I became an expert in the years leading up to my coming to the rooms. I just sort of let life happen. I needed to go somewhere or do something but I didn’t seem to have the energy to go or do anything. So I would let it slide. Letting it slide was my decision not to do something. I take a more proactive approach today in doing the ‘next right thing’.

6. Service will keep you sober. This one was drilled into me from day one. It took a year or so before I could begin to really understand what was happening. When I was doing ‘service’: washing coffee cups, helping to set up for meetings, greeting people as they arrived, I was getting out of my own head. My head is where the monkeys live and they like to have a circus whenever they can. Service, I have found is a way of keeping them in their cages. I get out of me and see that there is a whole other world out there.

7. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results. How many times did I wake up and say: ‘I’m never doing that again!’ only to be back at it by noon. Of course I was. I wasn’t changing anything different and yet, I expected I could stay sober. Thanks to my sponsors and personal reflection, I am able to have a clearer picture of what I am doing in life. I have to do something. A change of only one degree on your bearing will drastically change where you will end up.

8. There are many paths to get to where you want to go. “Do you know that way to San Jose?” goes the song. Living in Costa Rica with it’s capital being San Jose, I can give you a definite ‘yes’, I do know the way to San Jose. There are many ways to get there. Some are more direct, others are more scenic, some require a four-wheel drive vehicle. Eventually, following these ‘ways’, you will get to San Jose. So it is with sobriety. My program is not the only way. There are many sober people in the world who do not follow the same program as I do. So it is with faith. My Higher Power works for me, and yours works for you. The point is, they all get us to where we want to go.

9. The more we learn, the more we learn how much more there is to learn. A friend of mine in the program who started out well over thirty years ago talks of a member of his group who was an old, old timer who was around when the program was in its infancy. The fellow used to say at meeting: “Folks, we’re just scratching the surface here.” I agree. When I came in I thought I knew what I was doing. Now I see a depth of faith in others in the program that I want and I know I can have if I work for it. I see understanding of the literature that goes way over my head. It is a challenge to me to keep asking questions, seeking more answers. It is a journey that I am enjoying a great deal.

10. There is no room for resentment, anger or fear in a heart full of gratitude. Gratitude takes me out of me and into the realm of the spirit. When I am grateful for all that I have been given, then the petty things of the world around me fall by the wayside. How can I hold a grudge, hate someone or worry about tomorrow when I acknowledge the many ways I have always been very blessed? I can’t. I am grateful.

Living Change

August 31, 2017August 30, 2017 / Tim / Leave a comment

If I don’t change, I won’t change.

How often in life have we not liked a situation or circumstances and done nothing about them? Perhaps it was a job, a relationship or a where we were living that wasn’t working out. Oh, we could and did complain. We complained about the boss, the spouse, or the neighbourhood to whoever would listen. However, a situation never resolves itself unless something changes.

When I find myself in an intolerable situation I have two of choices. I can either do nothing and hope that somehow it will get better, or I can make the change I want to see. I used to be a master at the first option. I let it slide. I’d tell myself it really wasn’t that bad. I would hope that things got better, I would ignore it. I’d use it as another reason to escape into my addiction. I saw myself as a victim of circumstances or of other people. Rarely did I do anything about it because that would involve me making changes. It’s amazing how we can learn to accept even the most intolerable conditons rather than make a change.

“Better the devil you know than the devil you don’t know.”

Often I don’t make a change because I fear that if I make a change things will get worse instead of better. This attitude can be traces back to the idea that we must accept our lot in life. I think serf and slave owners fed us that work ethic. We saw ourselves victims of fate or karma about which we had no control.

Or when we saw others making changes in their lives we focused on their failures, or the amount of effort it took to make the change. We didn’t think we had the necessary abilities or talents to accomplish something similar in our lives. Probably nothing has held us back more than social pressure. “Don’t rock the boat,” we were told. The pressure to conform and be similar to everyone else in our group was too difficult to break away from. We would be all alone if we did something different. No, we had no choice but to keep with the status quo. Or so we thought.

What doesn’t kill me will make me stronger.

One of the things I have learned in the past few years in recovery is that I can survive anything. I know because I have. I have gone through some difficutlt times in sobriety: ending relationships, changes in health, income shifts, moving to a different country. I have survived each major challenge and I believe, learned from each one. Yes there is fear of the unknown. Yes there are obstacles. Yes river is riddled with rocks and eddies. And yet here I am. I have always and will always survive whatever comes my way until I don’t.

I know that I have a connection to something greater than myself. I have come to the conclusion that the next right thing for me to do is what I do. There is no right or wrong. There are only options. Sometimes I like the outcome and sometimes I don’t. But I am making changes, I am learning, I am moving beyond my fears. If my Higher Power loves and cares about me then I know I can trust whatever comes my way.

I embrace change. Sometimes, I admit, it’s about as whole-hearted as hugging a porcupine, but I do it anyway. I know that life is change and nothing stays the same. Oh, I can fight the current, thrash away to keep myself from going through those rapids ahead, but eventually, I will have to go through what lies ahead. Why not save the energy and trust. My fear tells me there is only one possible outcome: disaster. False! There are many possible outcomes to every situation. I am learning that I get through the rapids much quicker if I let the current take me.

Faith will move mountains, but bring a shovel.

I choose to rely upon my Higher Power. I choose to move forward. I choose change over stagnation. I will do the work to move ahead and to grow. I trust. I am the change I wish to be. I may not always be successful by the standards of the world around me, but I’m learning and for me, that’s what this life is all about.

♥ ♥ ♥

Peace