fear

Faith Over Fear

/ Tim / Leave a comment

Fear. It paralyzes us. It oppresses us. It looms over our whole being. Fear of our future. Fear of illness and death. Fear of rejection. Fear of failure. I could go on and on. Fear is something that keeps us cowering, immobile in the corner, unable to come out. It is pervasive in our disease of addiction. We fear we won’t have enough, we fear we will have too much. We fear the opinion of other and we fear our own thoughts about ourselves.  Addicts and alcoholics don’t have the monopoly on fear, but we do have an unhealthy dose of it in our lives.

F.E.A.R. There are two acronyms that we use for fear in the groups I belong to.  One is F*** Everything And Run, which is what I usually did. I couldn’t deal with the muddle of my life. I couldn’t handle confrontation. I didn’t even want to open the mail and I screened most of my calls. Running to my addiction gave me the illusion of safety; at least I didn’t have to deal with the stuff that was going on around me for now. I didn’t know how to face things. I didn’t know how others would react to what I was doing so I thought it better to do nothing.

The other acronym is Face Everything And Recover. This took me quite a while to understand and put into practice. To be honest, I’m still working on it. I am certainly a whole lot better at facing those fears I have about life. In facing them, I have discovered something for myself: discussed fears dwindle in size and intensity. If I talk to my sponsor or another member about what I fear, the very act of talking brings it down in size from the paralyzing monster that my brain had made it, to a manageable point of discussion that doesn’t seem so big any more.  My brain makes mountains out of mole hills and tempests in teapots. Talking makes it right sized.  I try to remember that it’s not the end of the world until it’s really the end of the world.

I also try to remember that fear is a product of my Ego.  I want things to go my way, but they might not go that way.  What then might I do? Then this will happen, then that and oh my, that surely won’t go my way either! You get the picture. I let my expectations of what I think should happen take over and fear tells me those expectations will miserably fail. Ego takes me for an unstoppable ride. Talking slows down the ride and helps me look at things realistically, not fantastically.

I also trust. I know that my Higher Power has always been there for me. I know that because I am here today. If that’s the case why would I think that my Higher Power will leave me hanging in the wind tomorrow? I will live through everything that comes my way until I don’t. I have faith that H.P. will be by my side even at that moment too. Besides, like worries, 95% of my fears have never materialized. I am finding that by living the program of recovery things have a way of working themselves out in ways that I could have never dreamed. Fears are fantasy. They don’t exist. Like the smoke and mirrors of a carnival, they have no substance. Permit me one final acronym? False Evidence Appearing Real. There is no reality in fear. It’s all in my head. It’s a future that I can neither know or predict.

We ask for courage in the Serenity Prayer. Courage is what we need when we still have fear. We go forward even though we don’t know what the next step might take us. We take the next step knowing that we have faith in whatever comes our way we will be able to handle. And we take another step in the knowledge fear is not conquering us, rather we are vanquishing it. Courage and faith conquer fear.

♥  ♥  ♥

Please like and share this blog. Perhaps it will give others the needed courage, strength and hope to start and continue their journey down Recovery River. I would appreciate it if you would sign up and follow as well.  Please comment and offer suggestions.  I’d love to hear from you.

Peace

 

Living Change

/ Tim / Leave a comment

If I don’t change, I won’t change.  

How often in life have we not liked a situation or circumstances and done nothing about them? Perhaps it was a job, a relationship or a where we were living that wasn’t working out. Oh, we could and did complain.  We complained about the boss, the spouse, or the neighbourhood to whoever would listen. However, a situation never resolves itself unless something changes.

When I find myself in an intolerable situation I have two of choices. I can either do nothing and hope that somehow it will get better, or I can make the change I want to see. I used to be a master at the first option.  I let it slide.  I’d tell myself it really wasn’t that bad.  I would hope that things got better, I would ignore it. I’d use it as another reason to escape into my addiction.  I saw myself as a victim of circumstances or of other people. Rarely did I do anything about it because that would involve me making changes.  It’s amazing how we can learn to accept even the most intolerable conditons rather than make a change.

“Better the devil you know than the devil you don’t know.”

Often I don’t make a change because I fear that if I make a change things will get worse instead of better. This attitude can be traces back to the idea that we must accept our lot in life.  I think serf and slave owners fed us that work ethic. We saw ourselves victims of fate or karma about which we had no control.

Or when we saw others making changes in their lives we focused on their failures, or the amount of effort it took to make the change.  We didn’t think we had the necessary abilities or talents to accomplish something similar in our lives.  Probably nothing has held us back more than social pressure.  “Don’t rock the boat,” we were told.  The pressure to conform and be similar to everyone else in our group was too difficult to break away from.  We would be all alone if we did something different. No, we had no choice but to keep with the status quo.  Or so we thought.

What doesn’t kill me will make me stronger.

One of the things I have learned in the past few years in recovery is that I can survive anything.  I know because I have.  I have gone through some difficutlt times in sobriety: ending relationships, changes in health, income shifts, moving to a different country.  I have survived each major challenge and I believe, learned from each one.  Yes there is fear of the unknown.  Yes there are obstacles.  Yes river is riddled with rocks and eddies. And yet here I am. I have always and will always survive whatever comes my way until I don’t.

I know that I have a connection to something greater than myself.  I have come to the conclusion that the next right thing for me to do is what I do.  There is no right or wrong. There are only options.  Sometimes I like the outcome and sometimes I don’t.  But I am making changes, I am learning, I am moving beyond my fears.  If my Higher Power loves and cares about me then I know I can trust whatever comes my way.

I embrace change. Sometimes, I admit, it’s about as whole-hearted as hugging a porcupine, but I do it anyway.  I know that life is change and nothing stays the same. Oh, I can fight the current, thrash away to keep myself from going through those rapids ahead, but eventually, I will have to go through what lies ahead.  Why not save the energy and trust.  My fear tells me there is only one possible outcome: disaster. False! There are many possible outcomes to every situation.  I am learning that I get through the rapids much quicker if I let the current take me.

Faith will move mountains, but bring a shovel.

I choose to rely upon my Higher Power.  I choose to move forward. I choose change over stagnation.  I will do the work to move ahead and to grow.  I trust.  I am the change I wish to be.  I may not always be successful by the standards of the world around me,  but I’m learning and for me, that’s what this life is all about.

♥  ♥  ♥

Please like and share this blog, not to stroke my ego, but for those who need the courage, strength and hope to start and continue their journey down Recovery River. I would appreciate it if you would sign up and follow as well.  My intention is to post Mondays and Thursdays.   Please comment and offer suggestions.  I’d love to hear from you.

Peace