Uncategorized

” Service will keep you Sober!”

/ Tim / 5 Comments

I heard this phrase over and over in my first month or so of recovery. My recovery group was hosting its annual convention and I was recruited by the chairperson to be the one to make announcements and provide local information. “Service will keep you sober Tim,” she said over and over to me. I wasn’t quite sure what she meant by this, of course, I wasn’t quite sure about a lot of what was being said at that convention weekend. Everything was so new to me. In reality, I was just glad to be out of the house and have something to do, something to keep me busy and keep my mind off of my problems.

In the years since, I have washed a lot of coffee cups, set up chairs and tables, chaired meetings, and sponsored other men in the program. And I have worked on the annual convention every year since. This year I had the honour of chairing the convention committee. With each commitment, I gain more understanding more of what it means to be of service.

When I am doing service work I am stepping outside of myself and my difficulties, problems and challenges. Doing something, keeping busy, whether its sweeping the floor, setting out books, making coffee, chairing a meeting, reading, sharing, all of these activities are not only vital to the life of the group, they are vital to my own recovery, reminding me that I am not alone and that I can’t do this by myself. Service reminds me that I am part of something and that everything I do has importance in maintaining my recovery.

That phrase that I was told at the beginning, became embedded in my  recovery. It taught me that I need to pitch in because we sink or swim together. It taught me that my personal recovery is very dependent on my group and making sure that my group functions. It taught me that I am not alone and that I can’t recovery alone either.

When I first came into recovery, I came from a point where my world had shrunk to a very small circle of people and activities. Coming into the program and jumping right into service work got me involved. Forced me to meet new people. Allowed me to step outside of my comfort zone and experience a new way of living. Service is not the only part of recovery, but it is one of the key elements: I can’t keep my recovery to myself, I have to give it away.

The service work of this past weekend took me way out of my comfort zone. But as my recovery has grown, so has my ability to take on new responsibilities and challenges. My Higher Power is by my always. And with the enormous amount of service work by the other committee members and volunteers, I participated in an incredible event that will carry me forward in my recovery.

Jennifer R., I thank you for your guidance in my recovery. Service is still keeping me sober. I am grateful.

Stepping through Fear

/ Tim / Leave a comment

Fear

Reams of paper have been used to expound on the subject of fear. The more I delve into discovering more about fear, the more material I find. It is pervasive in people’s thoughts and it subtly, and sometimes obviously, colours our actions. It changes how we feel and react to others. It causes arguments and wars. It runs the spectrum from a small anxiety about say, meeting a new person, to full blown paranoid phobias that can paralyze completely.

With all fear is the sense of a threat to me, my self, my ego and I allow it to affect me, how I feel about myself and what I do. ‘What if?’ ‘Maybe?’ My ego is always telling me that dismemberment and death is just around the corner, that everyone is trying to get me, that I will disappoint and that I can never do that! Fear is my ego saying to me: “That’s going to destroy, or belittle me in some way! Avoid it at all costs!” It doesn’t matter if it’s big or small, real or imagined, fear, once it’s in charge is felt the same way and will take charge.

So…What happens?

I stay in my tiny comfort zone. I don’t try new things. I miss out on experiences. I don’t trust others. I don’t trust myself. I don’t risk anything.

So….Nothing happens.

Live in the moment!

When I am in fear, I am not in the present, rather, I am in the future. I am think of what ‘might’ happen. I am in the realm of endless possibilities and I can allow my fears to stop me cold.

“You can always cope with the present moment, but you cannot cope with something that is only a mind projection – you cannot cope with the future.”  Eckhart Tolle

I am learning that I will never be able to cover all the bases, make sure that all the contingencies are in place. I can’t know the unknown; I can’t project what will happen in the future.  My ego says to me that I dare not go and my faith tells me to go boldly forth. Yes faith. I am learning to trust my Higher Power.

When I look back on my life, I can see that my Higher Power has always been there. The fact that I am here today writing this is proof that I have always been looked after by something greater than me. If that is true: I am here today,  and I know it, then why would I think that my Higher Power is going to suddenly vanish and stop looking after me tomorrow?

I am finding it much easier to simply live in the moment: in the NOW and not in the future. I can face and cope with what I need to do right now. Spending time in the future can stop me from doing anything in the now. If I focus on tomorrow I am losing the beauty of today.

Some days I am more successful than others. I usually see when I am focused on fear and can do something about it, like looking at the task at hand, staying in the now. I don’t know if I will ever wipe fear out of my life, but I can open the door to let faith in. Ego may always be there insisting that there are threats everywhere. My Higher Power is always there too giving me the courage to step through fear and move forward, knowing that I can cope with whatever is happening now.

I am grateful.

Well Done!

/ Tim / 2 Comments

“The ability to accept responsibility is the measure of the individual.” – Roy L. Smith

Congratulations! You are part of a very small percentage of the population that is willing to dig into life and grow. You have decided to analyze where you are in life, what you want out of life and make the changes necessary to achieve that change. And you have realized that any change has to come from within.

Most people go through life trying to control people, places and things to get what they want. They praise themselves when things go well, and cast blame upon the environment, circumstances and the people around them when they don’t. Self improvement, personal growth or stepping out of their comfort zone is not part of their daily lives except as these work to boost their ego and social position. But the idea of an honest look at themselves, who they are and where they are in life, never crosses their mind.

If you’re doing the ‘work’ in a twelve step program, you know that it requires a daily commitment. You realize that no one else is responsible for your happiness in life other than you, yourself. By that same realization, you know that you must also accept that the unhappiness in your life is also your responsibility. And you know that the seeds of any change in your life must first be must be planted within and nurtured with patience before they blossom into results.

Excuses and blame are replaced by honesty. I used to feed my addiction because of the circumstances of my life, my relationships and my broken dreams. But when I honestly looked at who I was, I was able to see that I was the one who created the circumstances that I was in or I allowed myself to go in a direction I didn’t want to go. My relationships with others were faltering because I had expectations of what I should be getting and not what I could give. And my dreams were not realized because I wasn’t committed to them.

Accepting responsibility for everything: my successes and my failures, is really hard. It’s so much easier to point to others, my parents, spouse or boss, and say they are the reason I am the way I am. But now I know they’re not to blame. It’s what I did or didn’t do, accepted or didn’t accept, dreamed or didn’t dream that has created the circumstances I find myself in. And if I am to make any changes in my life, that too is a responsibility I must accept.

Probably ninety percent of the people in this world never get to this point in life, never even pick up the shovel. And here you are: digging, analyzing, finding solutions and making the changes to implement those solutions in your life. You’re doing the work. That’s big! It’s worthy of giving yourself a pat on the back. And the results you get out of all of this will inspire you to keep moving forward. Congratulations!