“ONE” at a Time

September 14, 2017September 12, 2017 / Tim / 2 Comments

One of our recovery group’s slogans is, “Live one day at a time.” It’s a good slogan to live by for anyone in recovery or not. The idea is not to get too far ahead of ourselves; stay in the moment and leave the future to one’s Higher Power. Along with this slogan I would like to add a bit of an addendum: “Do one thing at a time.”

Those of us in recovery suffer from the disease of “More”.

We wanted more of whatever our addiction consisted of when we were in our disease, and we still want more of everything now. If a little is good, then more should be even better is our logic. It comes as no surprise then, that when we try things, we try them in a huge way. I think it is a recipe for failure.

The floor of gyms and fitness centres are strewn with the remains of lost resolutions and self-promises. How many times have we said to ourselves on January 1st that we are going to join a gym, workout, go on a diet, loose those extra pounds, eat healthier, quit smoking. You know those resolutions we make to become better physically. Or we resolve to meditate daily along with taking walks in nature, reading inspirational literature and eating a vegan diet. There is nothing wrong with all of these things in and of themselves, but those of us with the disease of “More” it spells disaster. Why?

I think it’s because we put all of our eggs in one basket; mentally, all of these resolutions are tied together as one. Should I fail at one of these, say slip up on my diet, then in my mind I have failed at all of them. Or if I miss going to the gym one day then it’s easier to miss another day. My mind says: “Well, you missed going to the gym, you screwed up on that and everything. You may as well eat that eclair now because you’re going to screw up your diet too!” So, downhearted by one small failure, we let all of the other eggs fall out of the hole in our basket instead of stopping and repairing the hole. I am not saying that making several major life changes like this is impossible to do all at once, but I am suggesting that we are putting ourselves at a greater risk failure if we do.

Do one thing, do it well and only then move on.

This is what I have been learning. It takes time for the old habits to die and new ones to replace them. I’ve read in several places that we need to practice a behaviour for at least a month before it becomes a habit. I need to give myself time. I focus on one thing at a time and I have a better chance at success. I believe that is important for those of us with the disease of “More” because we think we can handle it when we’re probably not ready to do so.

It brings to mind a person who was in her second month of recovery. She decided it would be good for her to give up smoking cigarettes too. She asked me to be her ‘quit smoking’ sponsor; if giving up booze and drugs is good then so is smoking. That’s true. However, I recommended that she get through her first six months at least in the program to get herself grounded in recovery before attempting another major change in her life. Unfortunately she was back smoking within 10 days and drinking about a week after that. I can’t say that she would have succeeded in sobriety had she not quit smoking. I don’t know. However, I have seen it happen more than once where people in recovery take on too much at the beginning and make it very difficult for themselves.

One of anything at a time; that’s about all I can handle.

Sobriety has to be my number one priority. As we say in our group, whatever I put ahead of my sobriety will be the second thing I loose. I take my sobriety one day at a time. I’ll share one more metaphor. I like a nice frosted chocolate cake. Hmmm. However, if I shove the whole thing in my mouth at once I will choke. If I eat it one forkful at a time, I can enjoy and savour it.

Take it easy folks. ONE of anything at a time is about all any of us can handle.

Photo: Barrie Cripps

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Peace

Living Change

August 31, 2017August 30, 2017 / Tim / Leave a comment

If I don’t change, I won’t change.

How often in life have we not liked a situation or circumstances and done nothing about them? Perhaps it was a job, a relationship or a where we were living that wasn’t working out. Oh, we could and did complain. We complained about the boss, the spouse, or the neighbourhood to whoever would listen. However, a situation never resolves itself unless something changes.

When I find myself in an intolerable situation I have two of choices. I can either do nothing and hope that somehow it will get better, or I can make the change I want to see. I used to be a master at the first option. I let it slide. I’d tell myself it really wasn’t that bad. I would hope that things got better, I would ignore it. I’d use it as another reason to escape into my addiction. I saw myself as a victim of circumstances or of other people. Rarely did I do anything about it because that would involve me making changes. It’s amazing how we can learn to accept even the most intolerable conditons rather than make a change.

“Better the devil you know than the devil you don’t know.”

Often I don’t make a change because I fear that if I make a change things will get worse instead of better. This attitude can be traces back to the idea that we must accept our lot in life. I think serf and slave owners fed us that work ethic. We saw ourselves victims of fate or karma about which we had no control.

Or when we saw others making changes in their lives we focused on their failures, or the amount of effort it took to make the change. We didn’t think we had the necessary abilities or talents to accomplish something similar in our lives. Probably nothing has held us back more than social pressure. “Don’t rock the boat,” we were told. The pressure to conform and be similar to everyone else in our group was too difficult to break away from. We would be all alone if we did something different. No, we had no choice but to keep with the status quo. Or so we thought.

What doesn’t kill me will make me stronger.

One of the things I have learned in the past few years in recovery is that I can survive anything. I know because I have. I have gone through some difficutlt times in sobriety: ending relationships, changes in health, income shifts, moving to a different country. I have survived each major challenge and I believe, learned from each one. Yes there is fear of the unknown. Yes there are obstacles. Yes river is riddled with rocks and eddies. And yet here I am. I have always and will always survive whatever comes my way until I don’t.

I know that I have a connection to something greater than myself. I have come to the conclusion that the next right thing for me to do is what I do. There is no right or wrong. There are only options. Sometimes I like the outcome and sometimes I don’t. But I am making changes, I am learning, I am moving beyond my fears. If my Higher Power loves and cares about me then I know I can trust whatever comes my way.

I embrace change. Sometimes, I admit, it’s about as whole-hearted as hugging a porcupine, but I do it anyway. I know that life is change and nothing stays the same. Oh, I can fight the current, thrash away to keep myself from going through those rapids ahead, but eventually, I will have to go through what lies ahead. Why not save the energy and trust. My fear tells me there is only one possible outcome: disaster. False! There are many possible outcomes to every situation. I am learning that I get through the rapids much quicker if I let the current take me.

Faith will move mountains, but bring a shovel.

I choose to rely upon my Higher Power. I choose to move forward. I choose change over stagnation. I will do the work to move ahead and to grow. I trust. I am the change I wish to be. I may not always be successful by the standards of the world around me, but I’m learning and for me, that’s what this life is all about.

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Peace