Awakening

Consistency

/ Tim / 3 Comments

I hate to admit it, but I haven’t been consistent lately.  I don’t know why, but lately I have been allowing stuff to slip. And like I wrote a while back, it is far easier to maintain something at 100% than 98%; once I allow myself an ‘indulgence’, it is that much easier to find a logical reason the next time. In the same way I must be consistent about my sobriety, I also need to be consistent about by daily routines.

Maybe it’s my disease, or one my ‘isms’ but once I cross the line of allowing a variation whether a diet, or exercise routine, or any other personal commitment to myself, it is too easy to ‘let it slip’ the next time. As a former sponsor used to say, as we go along, the path becomes narrower. I have to stay vigilant about myself. My circle of control only extends to the end of my reach, once I lose control in one area, it is far easier to lose it elsewhere. Slowly, or sometimes, in a cascade, all of the old habits fall back into place and it seems I’m back where I started.

In doing a bit of research into consistency in life, I have found several common threads. First, a daily commitment to how I want to live my life. In the same way that I learned how to live with sobriety one day at a time, I’m encouraged to do the same with a change in life habit. I commit today, regardless of how yesterday went and without worry about the future: just for today.

The second thread I read about over and over is the development of a meditation practice. I can’t bend into the lotus position but I can still develop my own manner. So much of the literature on being consistent talks about a quiet time, usually first thing in the morning where one can connect to self and then, to the rest of the world. It doesn’t really matter if you want to chant, listen to music, nature sounds, focus on breathing, or practice mindfulness. Starting off the day with a solitary practice that works for you will help to focus on where you want the rest of the day to go. If it means setting the alarm clock even five or ten minutes earlier, it will be time well spent.

Third, with the mind and spirit in focus, it is important to place the body in line. A short exercise routine will wake up the body. A walk around the block, stretches, yoga, Tai Chi, are a few of the options; what works for you is the most important. A solid, healthy breakfast everyday will ensure sufficient energy to meet whatever the day will hold. Your mother was right, breakfast is the most important meal of the day.

In order for me to keep with it, I must begin each day ‘with it’. I  guess that if I can begin the day well, then there is a much better chance at me being consistent for the rest of the day. I can’t expect to run a marathon without training, I can’t expect results without commitment and I can’t expect to have a consistent day if I don’t start it consistently. Yes it take dedication and it gets results.

 

Well Done!

/ Tim / 2 Comments

“The ability to accept responsibility is the measure of the individual.” – Roy L. Smith

Congratulations! You are part of a very small percentage of the population that is willing to dig into life and grow. You have decided to analyze where you are in life, what you want out of life and make the changes necessary to achieve that change. And you have realized that any change has to come from within.

Most people go through life trying to control people, places and things to get what they want. They praise themselves when things go well, and cast blame upon the environment, circumstances and the people around them when they don’t. Self improvement, personal growth or stepping out of their comfort zone is not part of their daily lives except as these work to boost their ego and social position. But the idea of an honest look at themselves, who they are and where they are in life, never crosses their mind.

If you’re doing the ‘work’ in a twelve step program, you know that it requires a daily commitment. You realize that no one else is responsible for your happiness in life other than you, yourself. By that same realization, you know that you must also accept that the unhappiness in your life is also your responsibility. And you know that the seeds of any change in your life must first be must be planted within and nurtured with patience before they blossom into results.

Excuses and blame are replaced by honesty. I used to feed my addiction because of the circumstances of my life, my relationships and my broken dreams. But when I honestly looked at who I was, I was able to see that I was the one who created the circumstances that I was in or I allowed myself to go in a direction I didn’t want to go. My relationships with others were faltering because I had expectations of what I should be getting and not what I could give. And my dreams were not realized because I wasn’t committed to them.

Accepting responsibility for everything: my successes and my failures, is really hard. It’s so much easier to point to others, my parents, spouse or boss, and say they are the reason I am the way I am. But now I know they’re not to blame. It’s what I did or didn’t do, accepted or didn’t accept, dreamed or didn’t dream that has created the circumstances I find myself in. And if I am to make any changes in my life, that too is a responsibility I must accept.

Probably ninety percent of the people in this world never get to this point in life, never even pick up the shovel. And here you are: digging, analyzing, finding solutions and making the changes to implement those solutions in your life. You’re doing the work. That’s big! It’s worthy of giving yourself a pat on the back. And the results you get out of all of this will inspire you to keep moving forward. Congratulations!

Paying Attention

/ Tim / Leave a comment

When I was looking for my first house I ‘knew’ which house it was from the time I saw it. It was a small cottage looking over the lake and it was ‘perfect’. I was in the village to look at a house with an agent. He mentioned another place that wasn’t listed on the market but whose owner was looking to sell ‘if the price was right’. I ‘knew’ that this was the house when he drove into the driveway. There’s a spot just below the sternum where I ‘felt’ it, and I ‘knew’. Two months later I was sitting on the deck of that house looking out over Lake Erie, a view that I would relish for the next nine years.

I got the same feeling one morning about seven years ago when I woke up one morning and I ‘knew’ that something had to give. My world was crumbling before me. I was losing the battle. I could feel it in that same place, just below the sternum. My guts were telling me that the show was over. I needed to make changes or I would be heading down a path I ‘knew’ I did not wish to tread.

I have no idea if everyone has that place in their body where they ‘know’.  It’s hard to describe. It’s almost as if knowledge becomes a physical sensation in the body. I’ve had this sensation various times in my life and I know now that it is one of the ways my Higher Power speaks to me. I suppose it had to be this way for me to pay attention. I wasn’t the most intuitive and sensing person.

Learning to listen, to follow one’s intuition is not easy, especially at first. When I began my journey in recovery, my thinking wasn’t my greatest asset: a good reason for me to work with my sponsor, go to meetings and listen. Going through the process of the steps I began to fathom the depths of what it really meant to ‘turn my will and my life over to the care of my Higher Power, a ‘God of my understanding’. And, if I’ve really done this, it only makes sense that he would communicate with me, right? How else will I know what my next step is to be? Slowly my trust of those feelings began to grow. I’ve learned that the more connected I am with myself and my Higher Power, the more aware I am of my intuition. I’m learning to pay attention to what’s happening around me.

It’s not always that physical sensation; it doesn’t have to be now. Most days I start off with a prayer. Most days I write. Most days I go to a meeting. These are the things that maintain my spiritual condition that keeps me in recovery. I’m able to see the patterns in my life and the mosaic of this world and I marvel. My life continues to evolve and morph into new experiences because I am open to them, I take the time to listen. I truly am grateful for my life today.