Priorities not Resolutions

December 29, 2018December 28, 2018 / Tim / 6 Comments

“Spend all of your time on those things you value most — on those things which you believe go beyond the here-and-now. The more time you can spend on things you believe to be of infinite worth, the more powerful your daily life and behavior will be.” Benjamin Hardy

Making changes in one’s life is difficult. It is hard to push through even a single change; we are creatures of habit. We like the predictability of knowing what is going to happen next in our lives. Changes are fought tooth and nail. We want things to stay the same. That’s why New Year’s resolutions don’t work: the energy required to make the change is far more than we are willing and sometimes able to give.

Resolutions often fail because we have not really ‘resolved’ to do anything. We have made a decision to, for example, lose weight, but have not made specific plans for how that is going to come about. When a strong temptation comes, we easily slip up and try that left over fruit cake or chocolate. And once you slip, it seems to be human nature accept the failure and fall back onto one’s old ways. Where was the decision? Where did the resolve go?

Priorities are different than resolutions. A true priority is something that is extremely important to you and that you will strive to work toward come what may and regardless of single actions. A priority is based on what you value. A priority comes before anything else. By definition then we have few priorities; just a few things that we hold above other things in importance.

“Priorities are the most fundamental and powerful thing in your life–they reflect your values and goals.” Benjamin Hardy

If I choose to make a healthy body a priority in my life, then I don’t need to make a resolution: I do those things which will create a healthy body. I will ask how I can achieve this healthy body. I will read about it. I will make decisions about food, exercise and activities that will work toward this priority. I will measure the changes until I achieve that healthy body and I will continue to maintain it. Along the way I will have learned and applied much about this priority. I’ll be less likely to skip exercise or eat food that conflicts with my priority.

A number of years ago I made recovery a priority in my life. It still is a priority. Am I perfect at it? No. And I still work on it in all parts of my life. These past few months I have made writing a priority. So I am doing all the things that make writing an integral part of my life. I am learning about techniques, I am part of a writers’ group. I believe that writing is important for me so I write something everyday.

I choose my priorties in life. I don’t give that option to anyone else. I strive to spend a lot of my time writing. Am I always successful? No. But it is a priority so if I fall short I can pick myself up and move forward.

This year, don’t make resolutions. Why not take the time to do some reflection and decide what your priorities in life really are. When you know ‘who’ you want to be and ‘why’ you want to be that way, then the ‘how’ of achieving it will naturally follow.

Happy New Year!

Read Benjamin Hardy’s full article here: 30 Behaviors That Will Make You Unstoppable

A World of Miracles

December 25, 2018December 24, 2018 / Tim / 1 Comment

The more I investigate, the more I realize that what we know is only a scratch on the surface of truth, of what Einstein called the “persistent illusion” of reality. When I open myself up to even just the ‘possibility’ of there being something out there greater than myself, I also open myself up to perceiving the wonders that surround us always but that we don’t always notice as we make our busy way through life.

A friend at a meeting this morning talked about going for a hike with his brother to a water fall. The trek was much more arduous than they had expected. When they finally arrived, it because a mystical experience for one of them. As they drew closer they heard the sound becoming more and more intense until the cascade slowly revealed itself through the undergrowth of the trees. My buddy saw how the sun was beaming light down through the trees and the mist rising from the water as it hit the rocks on the way down to a blue pool below. He felt the spray, watched the butterflies and took the whole thing in as a Higher Power moment. For his brother, it was a nice waterfall, but it held nothing of the spiritual aspect. Two people, two points of view of the same experience.

Our experience of anything depends upon our perspective and past experiences. Perhaps it’s my bias, but I believe that those of us who have been through difficult times and are making our way through recovery have to, perhaps, work harder than others to see the beauty of things and the wonders of the people and the world around us. Perhaps it’s because we were so wrapped up in ourselves, our ego and our disease that we couldn’t see it before. Perhaps we’re no different than anyone else. But it is important to take the time to look outside of ourselves to stand in awe and appreciate what is happening around us at any particular time. And even if you don’t wish to attribute what you see or what happened to you to your Higher Power, you can still appreciate the ‘miracle’ of it all.

During this time of year, we tend to see more positive things happening around us because our perspective has changed around the holidays and we expect to see the miracle of Christmas. I believe that these things are always happening around us. Every day there are wonders and sights to behold that will cause us to pause if we look for them. If you want to take the magic of Christmas with you through the whole year, then take this attitude with you. Miracles don’t only happen one day a year, or on 42nd Street in NYC or in Bedford Falls with Jimmy Stewart realizing that he’s the ‘richest man in town’. They around around us all the time. But we have to look for them.

From a sunny and hot Manuel Antonio, Costa Rica, (don’t be too jealous), I wish everyone a Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays! ¡Feliz Navidad!

There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, Than are dreamt of in your philosophy.

– Shakespeare, Hamlet

My Gift to Me

December 22, 2018December 21, 2018 / Tim / 1 Comment

For many years in the past, when I have heard people saying that they bought somethings for themselves for Christmas that that was the height of Ego Arrogance. I just didn’t see the point of giving yourself something. I buy what I need when I need it and it’s not necessary to have a special day to buy something for myself.

In truth though, I am learning that it is important to mark occasions such as one’s birthday and Christmas with a special gift. If I am giving gifts to others at those times, why not give myself something out of the ordinary? I am not talking about something that you would have bought anyway. Put at least as much thought into what you are getting yourself as you put into what you wish to buy for your best friend or spouse.

Why? Why should you gift yourself with something? Because you, better than anyone else know if you’ve been naughty or nice. You have put a great deal of effort into the past year and you deserve a treat that is out of the ordinary. We have been told it is better to give than receive, but I believe that we have to receive in order to give if there is to be a flow of positive energy. We live in a universe of abundance, so splurge a little and get yourself something that you deserve.

It’s a false sense of humility that says you don’t deserve a present. There’s no need to feel guilty about it. You know how hard you have worked the past year or so. You do deserve it. Nor should you thing that if you get yourself something, that it shouldn’t be anything too expensive. If it’s a gift for anyone, it has to mean something, cost is beside the point here; it should mean something for you whether it costs nothing or a thousand dollars.

Your gift to you doesn’t have to be a thing. What about getting yourself a day at a spa, or a massage. Go for a day or two to a place that’s special to you. Have a meal out at a restaurant that you normally wouldn’t dine at. Buy yourself flowers or a plant that will give you months of pleasure every time you see it because it is a constant reminder that you are worthy. Yes, you do deserve it.

What does giving yourself a gift do for you? Gifting something to yourself is a tangible sign that you really do matter in this world that increasingly treats people like a robotic commodity. Self giving increases your self-esteem. It confirms that the universe is a place of plenty. And when you then give to others you give from a place of understanding and joy; your generosity and gratitude will bloom from this.

You need not shout it from the rooftops what you have given to yourself. If anyone asks you can say it’s from a Secret Santa or a close friend. Nothing more needs to be said if you don’t want to.

So enjoy your gift to yourself. No, it’s not a guilty little pleasure, it’s a well deserved present from someone who appreciates how far you’ve come along in your journey.

Merry Christmas and Season Greetings to All.