Recovery

Write It!

/ Tim / 2 Comments

I doubt there’s a group that makes larger mountains over the littlest of mole hills than people in recovery or those in dire need of it. We have the talent of building things up to greater and greater volumes of _________(you may insert the word ‘crap’ in here if you wish). So much so that it becomes overwhelming. Of course we relapse. Who could shoulder the weight of that mountain of stress?

How does this happen to us? We let it happen by allowing the little stuff to grow in our minds in an uncontrolled manner. If you’re new to recovery, it’s an untrained mind on top of it all. Even an “X” on your yearly coin is no guarantee that your mind won’t race wildly in any and all directions. It was ‘suggested’ to me in early sobriety that I begin a journal where I could write down some thoughts and perhaps see the progress. And like so many good newbies in recovery, I agreed that it was a good idea; and did nothing about it.

I started my journaling project about four years into recovery and have been lightly kicking myself ever since. It has been so worthwhile. Probably the greatest benefit for me has been my writing’s ability to bring the mountain down to size. I discovered that problems swirl and somersault in my mind. There’s often a three ring circus happening, the clowns are chasing after the monkeys and the ringmaster has gone for his lunch break.

Writing forces me to put things down concretely. It makes me seek the correct words for what is happening and how I am feeling. By writing it down, I can see the problem for what it really is, without all the drama that my mind likes to add on. It makes the problem ‘right sized’. Once I really get rid of the clowns and monkeys I am better able to look for solutions. I am able to apply the Serenity Prayer to discover what is within my ability to control and what is not. I can reason out various paths that will help to resolve what is going on in my life. By journaling, I find I am in the solution and not stuck in the problem.

It really doesn’t matter how you do it. Writing in a leather bound book is nice, but a school workbook will do just as well. I also use and online journaling site www.penzu.com that a friend introduced me to not long ago. Here it can be double and triple password encrypted if you feel the need. The important thing is that you get it down somewhere. Start small, just a few thoughts in the morning. It’s also a good way to begin or end your morning meditation. Just Write It!

“The longest journey is the journey within,” said Dag Hammarskjöld. Your journey can begin with a single step and that first step can be a journal.

Peace.

Renewed Beginnings

/ Tim / 2 Comments

This edition of Recovery River is number 49. It is hard to believe that I have written that many entries since July 13th. I have covered a good number of recovery topics and, as much as possible, based my comments on the steps and my personal experience. I have no idea where this blog is taking me in the future, but the past six months have been a time of discovery and journey in my life.

When I started this writing journey I had just ended a relationship that I had believed would last forever. I found out that my Higher Power had other plans. I don’t regret that relationship nor that it is now over. I can see now, with hindsight, that I learned a great deal about what it really means to be a partner to someone and how a relationship can grow and grow differently for both people involved. Through the aftermath of that change, I discovered how much I learned from my program and how much I could apply what I had learned about living life on life’s terms to my own life and about how important my friends in the program are to me. The greatest awareness that came out of it all is that I can and will survive everything that happens to me in life, until I don’t. Meanwhile, my Higher Power has been and continues to be by my side through it all.

Writing this blog has forced me to look at my own recovery program with a critical eye. I have had to ask myself some difficult questions of how I apply the twelve steps and twelve traditions to my own life. I firmly believe that my program of recovery today, while it is built on the foundation of yesterday, must be constructed anew each morning that I wake up; yesterday’s sobriety doesn’t keep me sober today. I have to apply myself each and every day.

These words I put out twice a week have forced me to commit to myself, my Higher Power and my personal recovery program. There were times when I really wanted to do other things besides sit down and write. But I made a commitment, a promise to myself and to those who follow the blog to provide insightful and timely thoughts on recovery, whatever program you follow. I believe that we can all use a twelve step program of some type.

I have committed to another block of time to this blog because my recovery is based upon the work I do on it today. I can see from the growth in my own program that this writing is good for me. So, in this the last blog of 2017, I ask you, my readers, where do you see this blog going? Do you have suggestions, possible changes, ideas, topics or themes that you would like me to cover in the next six months? Those reader who are not in a recovery program are also asked to respond. Any ideas on best publishing times, days of the week? I’m learning as I go along here and I’ve learned that I can’t do it alone either.

I look forward to your comments and suggestions. Happy Old Year Folks!

Peace.

My Greatest Gift

/ Tim / 3 Comments

Our recovery program is an enigma: I can’t keep it unless I give it away and the moment I say I have it, I don’t. It reminds me of something we did  in school as a kid.  We took cornstarch and mixed it with water. As long as it was in motion we could roll it around and make a ball in our hands, like a silly putty. But the moment we stopped moving it, it became a liquid and oozed through our fingers. This interesting mixture only has solidity when you ‘work’ it. My program needs movement; this is a program of action. The moment I stop the action, the program oozes through my fingers and I’ve lost it.

Step twelve tells us that we need to carry the message of recovery to others. Carrying the message is what keeps the memory of my own recovery fresh. Talking with another addict or alcoholic helps me to remember that I am just a couple of bad decisions away from taking a drink or a hit. It takes the steps and the slogans and forces me to apply them in different ways and in different situations. And it keeps my mind and my heart open to gratitude for what I was freely given.

Working with someone is the greatest gift I can give them: I am offering them the gift of a new life and a way out of the darkness they are living in. I am offering an example from my own life that change really is possible and that if I, another addict could do it, then there is the possibility that another person could do it too. And it is the greatest gift I can give myself because I am constantly renewing my own life and deepening my understand of the many facets of the diamond that is sobriety. Regardless of the outcome, I strengthen my own recovery.

Early on in my recovery I wanted to tell the world about the program. But we don’t do it that way. It’s attraction, not promotion that we work at. Let the active addict or alcoholic see how I have changed; be an example of how my life has changed. I don’t have to preach on the streets, this is a program of anonymity. But as someone once told me, “Don’t be so anonymous that no one can find you.”

Be open to talking a bit about the program at the parties and gatherings you attend this season. Trust that your higher power will bring you opportunities to shine your light in someone else’s darkness. Be the designated driver. Show your happiness, joy and freedom and others will be attracted to you and what you have. Share what others freely gave you and you will receive the gift of continued recovery.

I am grateful.

Merry Christmas.