Meetings

Do It Any Way

/ Tim / 1 Comment

Larry was in recovery for over 25 years before he left us for the big meeting in the sky. He died as he wanted, sober and with two close friends, who are also members of his home group, at his side.

He was the group philosopher. Though he accused himself of over thinking things, he always had something worth an ear. He was a larger than life character who towered above most everyone and who never failed to help another member. His big old bear hugs were smothering but always honest and genuine. And though he’s been gone for well over a year, his bits of wisdom which were gleaned from his own experience are still echoing in the rooms of the city.

“Do it anyway,” he’d often say at a meeting, “or do it any way.” It was Larry’s manner of encouragement. Find a way to get done what needs to be done. There might be an “I don’t want to,” or an” I don’t think I can,” but when it came to the program, friends as well as sponsees heard this wise words to push forward regardless.

Sometimes in life it isn’t about desire or want. It’s about need. Larry’s words are for those things we need to do, the things we fear doing, the things we don’t even know how to do. Do it any way.

Commitment, consistency and courage are behind these words. Sticking to one’s convictions day by day regardless of what happens. This is how we live a life in recovery. This is the example Larry set for us. It is also the challenge he left with us.

“Do it anyway, do it any way.”

Thank you Larry.

Do It

/ Tim / 1 Comment

I took a slice off the end of my thumb the other day.  Nothing serious, just the top layer of skin peeled back. I still do some work with wood and this is something that happens every once in a while. Yesterday there was teeny piece of dry skin that was still attached to my thumb and was driving my crazy.  Every time I moved or did something something caught onto that little, smaller than the head of a pin, piece of dry skin. It didn’t hurt, but I was always aware of its presence. But I was doing some painting when it happened or I was doing some cleaning but for several hours I it was there reminding me of what I needed to do. Finally I got the nail clippers and cut it off. It will still be a week or so before everything heals back.

A teeny tab of dead skin kept reminding me that I needed to do something until I made it a priority and got it done. I was reminded of those things in life that niggle and gnaw at us until we finally do them. Doing them is nothing. It takes no time at all to accomplish a small task, yet I seem to put it off because I am sure that what I am doing right now is more important. Big things, sure, I know they take priority. I have gone to the emergency ward more than enough times for stitches on cuts as a result of my ‘handiwork’. When something big happens in life we usually recognize we need to look after it right away. It’s when it’s small and seemingly insignificant that we let it slide. Let those small insignificant things slide and they seem to add up until we actually do something about them.

In recovery I have seen people live through death and divorce without a relapse; their friends gather around and they receive the support they need to make it through. It is the small little incidentals that add up to a relapse. Missing meetings, not taking to sponsors, not having time for a little prayer or meditation, allowing a resentment to grow. Each little thing, on its own, isn’t much, but they add up. I could resolve them in two minutes or less, but I don’t take the time until it’s driving me completely crazy. When I am in that state, I usually know it, but for some reason the little bit of effort needed for such a small task can be put off for now…then it’s too late.

I read this morning that it’s easier to give 100% to something than to give 98% to it. The point is that when I am fully committed to something, I can stick with it, I have resolve and my decision is final. However, if I am only 98% committed to it, then I have to judge if this is a situation when I have to stick with my commitment or does this fall into that 2% where there is some flexibility.

I know for myself, when I break with 100% commitment it is far easier the next time to give in the next time. About six months ago I committed to not eating food that contain refined sugar. Initially, I was very good at sticking to my decision. But then I had to have a taste, a bit or sliver. Now it’s so much easier to slip or cheat on my commitment not to eat refined sugar. If I had stuck to it a 100% there would be no question, no option or choice. Now there is because I don’t eat refined sugar 98% of the time. And from experience I know that the 2% has a chance to grow to 4% then 7%. You get the picture.

With my addiction I know I have to be 100% committed to it if I want to stay happy, joyous and free in recovery. However, remember that little tab of skin? That can create an opening for the 2% of non-commitment. I have to do the little things to add up to the big thing. Taking care of the details helps to maintain the complete picture. If you’ve let things slip, recommit yourself to 100%. Get back to meetings, talk to your sponsor, connect with your Higher Power. It will be much easier when your back on the road of 100%.

Meetings!

/ Tim / 1 Comment

When I first started in recovery I was told that if I want to get it and to keep it I needed to do five things: don’t drink/use, go to meetings, get a home group, get a sponsor, work the steps. A little over seven years later, I’m still doing these five things and I would have to say that there is no way my life would be as complete as it is today without following that advice.

Over the years I’ve probably gone to an average of six meetings a week.  At the beginning I often went twice a day: it gave me something to focus upon and besides, I didn’t know what else to do with my time. Before recovery I spent most of my time drinking/using or scheming to drink/use, scrounging for cash or dreaming of the perfect high. Now (somewhat) sober, I found meetings allowed me a reprieve from drifting back into my old ways of thinking and taught me new ways of approaching life.

By going to meetings I learned how others applied the steps to their lives. I could use their experience as my own. I know what happens when you allow anger to take over your life because I have heard about the experience of others. I don’t have to invent tools and approaches to situations because I can borrow the tools and approaches that others have shared at meetings. I don’t have to wonder what will happen to me if I stop going to meetings because fellow members have shared what happened to them when they stopped. I may only have a day or a week or a year or 10 years in recovery, but if I go to meetings with an open mind I can benefit from the many, many years of experience of those that are sharing around the table. You’re my team and without you, I have no chance of winning.

Early on I was taught the 70-20-10 rule of going to recovery meetings. Seventy percent of the time you hear good solid material that you can pack into your toolbox and use at a later date. Twenty percent of the time what you hear has you at the edge of your seat because it’s exactly what you need to hear now. And ten percent of the time the share is a lesson in patience and tolerance of others. What I must remember in this, because it has happened to me it that while I may be experiencing a  10% moment, it could be a 20% moment for another person in the room. I can always learn something at a meeting.

Making meetings isn’t the program of recovery; the Twelve Steps are the program. Meetings, however, are part of the way that I can learn about the program and deepen my understanding. They are one of those first five things that have been working for me in my recovery. When I feel I don’t really need a meeting or I don’t want to go, that, I have learned too, is exactly when I need to go to a meeting. I keep the program close to my heart and mind; I don’t even want to consider the alternative. I’ll stick with the winning team.