I read an unattributed quote a while back that has stuck with me.
“The reason the past and future filled me with anxiety is that, when I go there, I go alone, without God. God only exists in the present, and that is the only place I can find true peace and serenity.”
For millennia spiritual gurus have sought to remove thoughts and clear their minds to allow for a connection with something greater than themselves. They do this to be in the moment, to quiet the mind and find peace, to simply ‘be’. These spiritual guides know that in the present, in this moment, God ‘IS’. Source, Consciousness, Higher Power, or whatever you choose to call ‘It’ exists only in the eternal present. Whatever ‘It’ is, it has no past or future, It simply is.
The past, whether an hour ago or a decade ago, no longer exists. And even what I can recall, only ever existed in my mind. Anyone else who was present at that time can only recall is from their own point of view, different from mine. And that point of view is subject to the vagaries of the mind which colour and fog the memory as time passes. Detectives tell us the most unreliable witness is the eye-witness to a crime: our recollection of the past is often faulty and incomplete. The past, often a delusion within my mind, no longer exists. God is not there.
It’s probably easier to see that the future doesn’t exist but that doesn’t stop us from living under the belief that some thing is going to happen, that people will react in a certain way, that I will or won’t be there. We make plans and contingencies. And we all know that everything can change in a moment. An accident, new information, an unexpected turn of events, may spin off all of our well laid plans into oblivion. The future doesn’t exist: God is not there either.
God is Present. God is the great ‘I am’, not the ‘I was’ or ‘I will be’. God simply ‘Is’.
In our book, Alcoholics Anonymous, one of AA’s founders Bill Wilson, writes of being ‘…rocketed into the fourth dimension.‘ What does he mean? I’ve been pondering this question for a while and here are some of my thoughts.
We live in three dimensions in life. In geometry we are taught that length, the first dimension allows movement one direction or the other. Adding width, the second dimension, gives us area and we can move in any direction but only on one, flat plane. Height, which gives volume is the third dimension gives us the ability to move anywhere, on all planes in any direction. Running through all dimension is the fourth dimension. Einstein tells us the fourth dimension is ‘time.’ And time ever marches on wherever we find ourselves, wherever we move to.
But perhaps being rocketed, blasted into the fourth dimension is really taking us out of ‘time’ and into what is infinity eternal and completely outside of time: into the present moment, pure being, and forever now. There is no ‘time’ in eternity, only this moment. Here in timelessness we exist. Here in timelessness we find God, pure present Consciousness. There is no past or future with God, only the present.
Yes, I have more pondering to do.
The beauty of it all is that I do not need to understand everything perfectly. Small insights like this help me to grow in understanding and in applying them to my life, help me to discover peace and serenity, greater happiness, joy and freedom in this life and more ‘awe’-some moments.
Someone asked me a while back if I still pray since I don’t believe in God. One would think that I don’t pray. After all, it’s a religious thing isn’t it? But the fact is, that I do pray. I still pray a lot. It’s just that my notion of what God is has changed so much since my youth, that I don’t want to equate it with the God of the Bible or of the Roman Catholic Church in which I was raised.
I don’t see God is a magician who makes things appear and disappear. I don’t treat him as my last hope, turning to prayer when it seems that there’s no way out of an impossible situation. Nor do I see God as some sort of a Santa Claus who has lists upon lists of who is naughty and nice. God doesn’t measure my ‘faith’, nor are my petitions granted only if I attain a certain level of devotion. God is not Facebook and doesn’t respond to the number of likes he gets.
My understanding of a “Higher Power” has changed over the years and I believe that trying to define God, puts limits on whatever “It” happens to be. Sufficient to say that as long as my “God” doesn’t stare back at me when I look in the mirror each morning, I’m good. So if I don’t pray to God, then why would I pray?
“The function of Prayer is not to influence God, but rather to change the nature of the one who prays.” Søren Kierkegaard.
Recovery literature says that if you have anger toward someone, to pray for them every night for two weeks. This same literature says that whenever we are disturbed, no matter what the cause, we need to look at ourselves for the cause of our disturbance. Finally it says that we cannot control people, places or things; our response to something is the only thing that we can control. In a nut shell: I am the one who needs to change and I pray in order to make that change. When I take the focus off of the other person, the offense or a need, I open myself up to change. I would have a small god indeed if he needed my help to influence his actions.
I pray because prayer changes me. Whether it’s rote prayer, meditation, or contemplation, when I pray I move away from my Ego-centrism. Slowly I begin to focus, even just for a second, on the present moment and my connection to something other than myself. It doesn’t matter if I call it my spiritual nature, or my connection with others; prayer takes me away from, well, me. When I do that, when I step away from myself I start to see things for another perspective and that opens me up, little by little, to make a change, a change in me. So, yes, I do pray. I pray for understanding and I pray to accept things as they are.
Prayer allows me to step away from the world around me and quiet my mind for a moment from the challenges I face each day. In these moments I can unite my mind and my heart in a moment of peace. I can do this at a church or temple, by a stream or ocean, in a chair or on a cushion. The how is not important. Being present in the moment and being one with one’s self is prayer however you do it.
I don’t need a Biblical God in order to accomplish this. I only need to acknowledge that I am not the “be all and end all of everything.” In prayer, I connect to the “Spirit of the Universe” or “Higher Power” which more closely aligns with my current understanding of God. This also connects me and keeps me conscious of other people as well. And that, for me, is prayer.
Many folks do very well in recovery until they come to working Step Three. Here we are asked to make a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the ‘care of’ a Higher Power, as we understood him. And many balk at this step. Their past experience has not been positive when dealing with things around God and religion. I understand. The God I grew up with wasn’t easily understandable: at one moment, kind and loving and at another throwing my soul to the bowels of hell for all eternity.
As much as I tried to work within the religion I grew up with, I couldn’t. So I left it, took a fork in the road to another idea, that of spirituality. My addiction did a great deal to slow down my progress along this road but with recovery, I found myself moving forward again. I didn’t believe in some old guy with a white beard in some celestial space surrounded by throngs of angels. And while I appreciate Christianity and it was how I was raised, I no longer believed in that either. The truth is, I couldn’t have told you exactly what or how my Higher Power was, but I knew that there was something more than what my five senses could interpret from the world.
And that’s one of the miracles of this program. It doesn’t force me to believe anything. It’s a Higher Power of my understanding. I don’t expect you to understand my relationship to my that Power, and I respect your relationship to yours. As I have grown in recovery I have received greater understanding. I expect that I will continue to grow in that understanding. But what about those who are diligently working the Steps and are finding it difficult?
I’ve learned that you’re making a decision. It need not be all cut and dried and finalized. I know my understand of my H.P. certainly wasn’t then nor is it now defined. In fact, I don’t want to define that power because that will put limitations on it. I use the word ‘god’ in meetings, because it’s convenient, but it certainly isn’t ‘god’ in the traditional sense.
A regular at my home group who has been in the program for many, many years once shared with me that if a new person in the program is finding that they are living in less fear than they were before, then they have a Higher Power. If they are living a life that is more manageable, then they have a Higher Power. And if they are thinking about what they are doing before they do it rather than following their egos, then they have a Higher Power. They may not ever be able to define it, but they know that there is something that is helping them; something or someone with a greater knowledge that is nudging them along this path. If they want to call it God, or Christ or a G.roup O.f D.runks, it doesn’t matter. They’ve figured out that they’re better off with whatever Higher Power is ‘caring for’ them than when they were still out there and the person in their mirror was the one in charge of decisions!
Trust the process of the Twelve Steps: all of them. As you go along you will find that you are ‘cared for’ in so many ways. Open-mindedness and willingness go a long way in recovery to help us all to see that we are connected, which for me, is what spirituality is all about.
Recovery river 