Just Do It!

August 7, 2017August 6, 2017 / Tim / Leave a comment

If buying and reading self-help books and programs were the answer, I should be the most enlightened, most spiritual, and most informed guru on the planet. I’m not. Wayne Dyer, Anthony Robbins, Stephen Covey and Neale Donald Walsch are inspirational writers that I admire. Each has a great message and each delivers it in his own way. I also admire the stories of the Buddha, Mohammed and Jesus whose lives inspire and challenge me. And yet, with all this information I was not spiritually awake, financially successful, influential or talking with God. Why? Because with all I had read, I had either failed to apply it to my life in order to achieve my goals or I had blamed someone or something else for my failure.

We all know the joke that, apparently, buying a membership to a gym won’t get you the body you want. If I desire to have a body like Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson, reading his biography won’t get it for me. I have to do the work. (And also figure out how to grow six more inches!) There is no short cut, no magic pill; no easier, softer way. Very often in life I see the end result and fail to appreciate and understand the difficult process of trial and error that was necessary to get there. Picasso’s mother probably looked at his first drawing and said, “That’s nice dear. Here’s some more paper. Go draw some more.” Gertrude Stein submitted poems for 22 years before having one published. And Charles Atlas was a scrawny kid who got tired of being pushed around. We focus on the end result of these people and have the expectation that I can achieve that too. Well, I can, only it’s not going to happen over night!

In my teen years when my whole life was before me and there were so many choices, I wished I could be where I was supposed to be in my life, doing what I was supposed to be doing. I didn’t want to go through all the intervening steps to get there. I wanted to get directly to the destination and skip the journey all together. But few of us are born prodigies. I had to do the work to get where I wanted to go. If you want to get to Carnegie hall, you have to practice.

Along the way I have come to enjoy the journey. I am learning to apply what I learn from the programs and books I read. Through this process I have learned a very important lesson. I am the one who is responsible. I am the one who has to do the necessary work to get where I want to go. I have often repeated, “Faith can move mountains, but bring a shovel and wheelbarrow.” If I fall short, or struggle along my journey I can’t blame others. I can’t blame my addiction. I can’t blame my parents or my sexuality or what country I was born in. At some point I have to say: “Here I am with my shovel and wheelbarrow. From here on in, it’s my responsibility to move forward.” I am responsible for this ship sinking or floating; me and no one else.

I recently heard this saying. “In order to succeed, I only need to get up one more time than I fall down.” Falling down is all part of the process. I learn by applying what that fall has taught me and try not to let that happen again. It is only a failure when I fail to apply what I have learned. The nice part about all of this is that I don’t have to do it alone. Those who wrote those programs and books have learned a lot of lessons that I now don’t have to go through. Ultimately though, I am the one who is responsible for the doing or not doing, for the applying or not applying this to my own life.

Sorry about that magic pill you were looking for. I want to write; so I have to write. I want to paint; so I have to paint. It takes doing. It takes time. Gradually I will become better and better at it. And it takes responsibility to myself and to my goals to get to where I want to go. I guess I have learned from all those books I have read over the years. It just took a really long time to sink in.

♥ ♥ ♥

Please share if you think this blog can help someone. Facebook, Linkedin, Twitter, etc. or good ol’ copy and paste. I would appreciate it if you would sign up and follow the blog as well. My intention is to post Mondays and Thursdays. Please comment. I’d love to hear from you.

At the suggestion of a reader I have added a new page to the blog: Recovery Resources. Here I have links to AA, NA, Al-Anon and other helpful resources for those just starting their journey as well as those who are already enjoying the river. I have also added a Google Translate link to the site on the right sidebar if you prefer to read this or share this in another language. Let me know of your thoughts and possible additions that might be helpful.

Once again, please like and share, not to stroke my ego, but for those who need the courage, strength and hope to start and continue their journey down Recovery River.

Peace.

The Vulture’s Tale

August 3, 2017August 2, 2017 / Tim / Leave a comment

Things happen. Sometimes we say it’s for a reason, sometimes we say it is serendipity, sometimes we say it’s a message from on high. I have my own thoughts about this. Regardless of what you or I might think about this, it happened.

I was sitting at a meeting, somewhat distracted and I happened to look outside. The building is a “rancho”, a roofed structure supported by poles and basically open on the sides. There’s an incredible view of the jungle from here and, although hidden by the trees, the ocean is less than a kilometer away. There are always birds, butterflies and monkeys in the area and often iguanas racing across the roof of the building, scratching the tin as they go. Dogs and roosters often wander by and into the building.

As I said, I was distracted, not paying attention to whatever was going on in the meeting when I saw a vulture land upon the dead branch of a tree less than 50 meters away. Not an uncommon sight here. Vultures are always gliding around, soaring on the winds sniffing out their next meal, and sometimes stopping and resting, often in the same tree.

This time, something different happened to the vulture. A few seconds after he lit upon it, the branch broke! As I said it was a dead branch. Its bark had fallen away and the termites or ants must have weakened it to the point of barely supporting its own weight. The remaining structure couldn’t support the creature’s added weight.

Branch and vulture began their fall. Then with a flurry of black feathers and flap of wings, the vulture took flight and let go of the branch. It fell to the jungle floor and the vulture flew off to soar again and find another place to rest and await its next meal.

There really is nothing overly significant to what I witnessed. A bird landed on a branch, it broke, the bird let go and flew off. Probably not the first time it happened either. What struck me as significant is that the bird let go. I was reminded of the many times I held onto thoughts, ideas, principles and opinions long after they were viable, believable or tenable. I hung onto the branch and let it pull me down. Had I let go of it, I too could have flown off to find other branches to rest upon. How often do I hang onto friendships, jobs, beliefs or habits that are holding me back, pulling me down and preventing me from reaching my potential? Why do I cling to a relationship that is decaying and that is weighing me and pulling me down? Yes, perhaps at one time, these thoughts, ideas, dogmas had vibrancy and life, but no longer. I must learn to recognize that it is over. I may have sat on that same branch many times and it held my weight. But no longer, that branch is going down and will take me with it if I don’t let go. Let go. Surrender. Trust. All these are part of my process of change in recovery.

I’m no different than most, I don’t really like to change. I’d prefer to hang onto what I know and what I think works. But the truth here is that things come to an end I must let go lest I lose myself in the process. Vultures are regarded in many cultures as sacred emissaries to the gods: gold and jade amulets are often found with their images. My Higher Power speaks to me in many manners, and it usually isn’t a burning bush or being struck down off my ass by a bolt of lightning. What I need to learn is set before me to take in, or not. This may have been nothing more than some footage for Animal Planet for some, or perhaps a hint to go on a diet. For me, it was a lesson taught by the humble vulture and it has made a significant impact on my thoughts.

♥ ♥ ♥

Once again, please like and share, not to stroke my ego, but for those who need the courage, strength and hope to start and continue their journey down Recovery River.

Peace.

Right-Size Me, Please

July 24, 2017July 23, 2017 / Tim / 2 Comments

Being the seventh month, we often focus on the seventh step: Humbly asked Him to remove all our shortcomings. The principle of this step is humility.

Humble, as an adjective is defined as meekness, lacking pride, arrogance or assertiveness. As a verb it is defined as the destroying the power, independence or prestige of something or someone. I believe that in being humble we accept that we are not all powerful, not completely independent nor do we possess advantage over others. It is being in a state of acceptance of what is, and not what was or could be. I don’t compare myself to others as being better, or worse. I see things as they are. Like the inventory I took in Step Four, I look at what is there, without judgement as to its quality. I don’t need to be supersized; that’s been my problem. I need to be ‘right-sized’.

Last year, after being in the program for several years it became apparent to me that I could use a bit, no, a lot more work on Steps Six and Seven. I worked with my sponsor, used the book: Drop the Rock, published by Hazelden along with my program literature. During my first go around with the steps I had spent about as much time on these two steps as Bill Wilson did in writing about them in the two short paragraphs on page 76 of Alcoholics Anonymous: ‘I am willing. Here they are. Please take them away.’ The second time around truly was an eye opener for me. What does it mean to humbly ask my Higher Power to remove my shortcomings?

I have come to discover that it means taking step three to a whole new level. Not only do I put my will and my life into the care of my higher power, I now allow that Higher Power to modify me in such a way that I must let go of what I know about who I am today. A lot of my character defects made up who I was. I was a perfectionist who would rather do it myself than watch someone else do it wrong. (And then I would have to do it over to do it right.) I had an arrogance about me because I had studied hard and have two post secondary degrees and one diploma. I suffered because others didn’t understand my importance. I had a sense of entitlement: I worked hard so I deserved my time to relax however I wished. I could go on, but you get the picture. These shortcomings were who I was, part of my personality. On my second time through these two steps I found out what the verb humble meant in my life; if I was truly going to have these shortcomings removed, I had to destroy them. The ‘me’ at the end of the experience would be very different from the ‘me’ I started as.

You see, I kind of liked who I was, what I did, where I was in life. I don’t like a lot of change. My character defects were defining me, telling me who I was, where I should be, how I should act and react. Without them I feared that I might become the proverbial ‘hole in the donut’. I had a big fight with Ego about that!

Humility in Step Seven takes courage. It isn’t easy to say: “Okay H.P., here I am, take away who and what I always thought I was and remake me”. I needed to trust that my Higher Power knows what he’s doing. I had to accept what is and what will come. Could I have handled this in early recovery the first time I did this step? I don’t know. It was difficult enough with five years behind me. The difference this time though, is that I had evidence that my life really is in the care of a Higher Power. I knew and could point out how I had changed for the better. I was no longer the sorry soul that walked into a meeting for the first time. I am light years away from that Tim. I am now able to understand that I still have a lot to learn about life.

Fortunately, when I completed Step Seven, my H.P. didn’t remove those defects of character right away and all at once. This is a process that takes time. Every once in a while the perfectionist gives his opinion about how things should be done. Periodically the arrogant S.O.B. walks past the addict sleeping on the street without compassion. Yes, I take my shortcomings back with regularity. I am grateful though, that slowly I am recognizing them as they are showing themselves. I am learning to listen to another’s method of doing a task. I can look on with love at someone who on a different journey than I am now. Slowly my Higher Power is doing for me what I could not do for myself: grow and blossom into a whole new being.

♥ ♥ ♥

I have been receiving lots of positive comments from you, my readers in the short time I’ve been writing this blog. If you think it can help someone, please share it with them in what ever way is most convenient: Facebook, Linkedin, Twitter, etc. or good ol’ copy and paste. I would appreciate it if you would sign up and follow the blog as well. My intention is to post Mondays and Thursdays. Meanwhile, I am enjoying this process immensely. There’s the whole new back end of the website and how it works that I’m learning as well as the research and thoughts that go into the finished entry. Please comment. I’d love to hear from you.

Once again, please like and share, not to stroke my ego, but for those who need the courage, strength and hope to start and continue their journey down Recovery River.

Peace.