Alcoholism

An Easy Way?

/ Tim / 1 Comment

Twice this past week I heard about a pill that will remove addiction and bring a person into recovery. Taking the pill is supposed to stop the cravings and even allow an alcoholic to take a drink or two without triggering a fatal obsession of needing ‘more’. What a magic pill indeed that might be to those for whom it is effective. However, I have learned that the disease of addition is three part disease: physical, emotional and spiritual. A pill only deals with the physical side of our disease.

I don’t claim that a twelve step recovery program is the only way to find a way out. I only know it works for for me, as long as I work this program. It is a program that treats all three aspects of my disease. A pill, while it seems the answer to an addict’s problems, is an easier, softer way that ultimately won’t work because it doesn’t deal with many of the root problems that result in addiction. By working the steps I was able realize that I didn’t just have a problem with substances, my real difficulties lay in my inability to face life as it is. As they say, “I came because of my drinking problem but I stayed for my thinking problem.”

The lure of the quick fix or easy money, is often impossible to resist. We want the results without putting in the work needed to achieve that result. I want the great car, but want to find a way to get it without having to work and save to buy it. I want the great relationship so I buy a book that will show me how easy it is. I want to quit drinking so I buy a pill so I won’t have to go to a recovery program and actually do the work I need to do about my approach to life.

Most of us know that simply removing the substance from an addict might force that addict to be clean or the drunk to be sober, but it won’t alter the fact that all the problems that we sought to escape are still there. All of the difficulties we had dealing with resentments, anger and fear are still there. Take the substance away and those character traits are all still present and often magnified because the drug or alcohol is no longer present.  I need the program to help me to deal with ‘me’, my resentment, anger and fear so that I can live with myself and others in relative happiness, joy and freedom.

If addiction were a simple disease that only had a physical component then popping another pill might be the answer. I have come to realize that it is multifaceted. Before coming into a twelve step program I stopped on my own several times, once for almost five years. When I started back, I was completely clean and sober. I can’t blame the substance for making me start again: there wasn’t anything in my system. I must learn how to deal with the emotional and spiritual components as well if I am to find a recovery that works.

 

Renewed Beginnings

/ Tim / 2 Comments

This edition of Recovery River is number 49. It is hard to believe that I have written that many entries since July 13th. I have covered a good number of recovery topics and, as much as possible, based my comments on the steps and my personal experience. I have no idea where this blog is taking me in the future, but the past six months have been a time of discovery and journey in my life.

When I started this writing journey I had just ended a relationship that I had believed would last forever. I found out that my Higher Power had other plans. I don’t regret that relationship nor that it is now over. I can see now, with hindsight, that I learned a great deal about what it really means to be a partner to someone and how a relationship can grow and grow differently for both people involved. Through the aftermath of that change, I discovered how much I learned from my program and how much I could apply what I had learned about living life on life’s terms to my own life and about how important my friends in the program are to me. The greatest awareness that came out of it all is that I can and will survive everything that happens to me in life, until I don’t. Meanwhile, my Higher Power has been and continues to be by my side through it all.

Writing this blog has forced me to look at my own recovery program with a critical eye. I have had to ask myself some difficult questions of how I apply the twelve steps and twelve traditions to my own life. I firmly believe that my program of recovery today, while it is built on the foundation of yesterday, must be constructed anew each morning that I wake up; yesterday’s sobriety doesn’t keep me sober today. I have to apply myself each and every day.

These words I put out twice a week have forced me to commit to myself, my Higher Power and my personal recovery program. There were times when I really wanted to do other things besides sit down and write. But I made a commitment, a promise to myself and to those who follow the blog to provide insightful and timely thoughts on recovery, whatever program you follow. I believe that we can all use a twelve step program of some type.

I have committed to another block of time to this blog because my recovery is based upon the work I do on it today. I can see from the growth in my own program that this writing is good for me. So, in this the last blog of 2017, I ask you, my readers, where do you see this blog going? Do you have suggestions, possible changes, ideas, topics or themes that you would like me to cover in the next six months? Those reader who are not in a recovery program are also asked to respond. Any ideas on best publishing times, days of the week? I’m learning as I go along here and I’ve learned that I can’t do it alone either.

I look forward to your comments and suggestions. Happy Old Year Folks!

Peace.

My Greatest Gift

/ Tim / 3 Comments

Our recovery program is an enigma: I can’t keep it unless I give it away and the moment I say I have it, I don’t. It reminds me of something we did  in school as a kid.  We took cornstarch and mixed it with water. As long as it was in motion we could roll it around and make a ball in our hands, like a silly putty. But the moment we stopped moving it, it became a liquid and oozed through our fingers. This interesting mixture only has solidity when you ‘work’ it. My program needs movement; this is a program of action. The moment I stop the action, the program oozes through my fingers and I’ve lost it.

Step twelve tells us that we need to carry the message of recovery to others. Carrying the message is what keeps the memory of my own recovery fresh. Talking with another addict or alcoholic helps me to remember that I am just a couple of bad decisions away from taking a drink or a hit. It takes the steps and the slogans and forces me to apply them in different ways and in different situations. And it keeps my mind and my heart open to gratitude for what I was freely given.

Working with someone is the greatest gift I can give them: I am offering them the gift of a new life and a way out of the darkness they are living in. I am offering an example from my own life that change really is possible and that if I, another addict could do it, then there is the possibility that another person could do it too. And it is the greatest gift I can give myself because I am constantly renewing my own life and deepening my understand of the many facets of the diamond that is sobriety. Regardless of the outcome, I strengthen my own recovery.

Early on in my recovery I wanted to tell the world about the program. But we don’t do it that way. It’s attraction, not promotion that we work at. Let the active addict or alcoholic see how I have changed; be an example of how my life has changed. I don’t have to preach on the streets, this is a program of anonymity. But as someone once told me, “Don’t be so anonymous that no one can find you.”

Be open to talking a bit about the program at the parties and gatherings you attend this season. Trust that your higher power will bring you opportunities to shine your light in someone else’s darkness. Be the designated driver. Show your happiness, joy and freedom and others will be attracted to you and what you have. Share what others freely gave you and you will receive the gift of continued recovery.

I am grateful.

Merry Christmas.