Step 3

An Open Mind

/ Tim / 2 Comments

As I journey down my own path of happy destiny I am discovering that one of the greatest gifts of my recovery is an open mind. I endeavour to keep my judgements of others to a minimum. I look to dig deeper into life and develop a greater understanding of it. I keep asking questions and seek answers. I look to others the help me on this quest because I know that alone I’m not all that great finding those solutions. After all, my best thinking landed me at the doors of a recovery program.

Having an open mind frees me from judging what others people do. If I don’t judge something as right or wrong then there little chance it’s going to irritate me, cause me to feel anger or develop a fear or a resentment. Having an open mind allows me to see that I have a very limited perspective on things. Good or bad, I see now, are relative. What is good for the lion isn’t so great for the gazelle and visa versa. I have plenty of work understanding my own reasonings sometimes; I’m really not up to judging someone else’s rational. I really didn’t know what was good or bad for me so how could I judge it for another?

Having an open mind allow me to really ‘live and let live’. In the same way that I’ve discovered that yesterday’s answers may not be the answer I need today, I realize that my answers may not work for someone else. I can see that everyone of us is on our own path of discovery and we all take that path at our own pace. Why is it that someone comes into recovery at 25 and it took me another 25 years for me to get to it? I am on different path and moving at a different speed.

Having an open mind allows me to look at different religions, spiritualities, concepts of a Higher Power and how it all works together. I am fascinated by the beliefs and rituals of people around the world. I enjoy talking to people and reading of people’s experiences. I find that the more I do that, the more I grow in understand my own Higher Power and the less likely that I will judge others or their actions.

Finally, having an open mind gives me peace of mind. I don’t have to constantly be defending my position and beliefs. I don’t see other’s actions as purposely done against me. I need not point out that I’m right and you’re wrong. I can accept things as they are, not how I think they should be. If I’m not occupied by what should be done or could have been done I have more free time to continue my exploration of this path and enjoy life. And that, I think, is the whole point.  Indeed, what a gift is an open mind.

I am grateful.

 

Changing Allegiances

/ Tim / 2 Comments

I didn’t realize it then, but in working Step Three wasn’t doing anything different than what I had already been doing. In turning my life over to the care of a Power greater than myself I was continuing to do what I had done for years. I always had a power greater than myself only it was the god of my disease: alcoholism and addiction.

My life was commanded by my desire and need for alternative substances in my body. I couldn’t live life on life’s terms. I couldn’t face the world without altering my mind. However, this power greater than myself wasn’t interested in caring for me. It was only interested in more and having its needs satisfied and it’s cravings met. This power was a monster that took over my life and my mind and recreated it in its own image. It got to the point where everything I did, all I thought about was feeding the god of my disease. I had turned my life and will over to the care of this higher power but it wasn’t benevolent. It wasn’t life giving. There was no care. My disease had a huge appetite and it wanted it satisfied; it cared little of me. It gave me a life beyond my wildest nightmares.

Step Three: Made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God as we understood him. 

So in working through Step Three I was changing allegiances. I made the decision that my disease would no longer be my higher power and ruler of my life. I decided that my disease was not a worthy higher power any more. I decided that I deserved better than it was giving me. I finally saw that it had promised abundance in my life and ended up taking away everything it had promised. I needed a new Higher Power.

I decided to turn my life and will over to the care of a Higher Power. In the years since, my life has changed drastically for the better. This is not the jealous, covetous, demanding and mean power I once adored. It is one that presents me with opportunities to grow in love and understanding of it and of life. It opens up my interactions with others. It gives me hope. Together we are creating a life that is more balanced, peaceful, loving and kind.

As I grow in recovery I have discovered that my understand of my Higher Power is changing as I am changing. I don’t know exactly what that Higher Power is. I’ve discovered that to try to define it would limit its power, so I get my understanding of it by looking around and seeing what it does in my life and the lives of those around me. In recovery I’ve discovered a new way to live a life which really does present me with freedom, happiness and serenity. I’ve finally discovered a Higher Power that delivers on its promises.

Life on Life’s Terms

/ Tim / 3 Comments

I like to read recovery stories and go to speaker meetings where I can hear the tales of fellow addicts and their journey to and in recovery.  One of my favourite stories, and I know I’m not alone, is the story “Acceptance is the Answer” found in the book Alcoholics Anonymous. It tells the tale of a doctor who drinks and prescribes himself drugs and almost destroys himself. He talks about the importance of acceptance of himself, his situation and his addiction as the answer to his problems. I’ve added a link below if you would like to read this story.

One of the things I’ve come to realize in the last week or so is that ‘acceptance’ is 100% or it is nothing. Let me explain. If I accept something, I am in total agreement with it. That doesn’t mean I have to like or love it; I may not. I may not like it, but I accept it. This for me is living life on life’s terms: accepting what is in my life. It’s not arguing with my Higher Power my partner or myself that things should be this way or that way. It is simply saying yes, that is the way it is.

Take this for an example. My car has a flat tire. My refusal to accept this would mean I keep driving and ruin the tire, probably the rim and who knows what else on the car. I have to accept the flat tire and do something about it before I can move on. I get out the jack and spare tire, or I call the auto association, because I know that I need to repair the tire before I can move on. This is acceptance. I take whatever situation I am in, I learn to deal with it and then I can move on.

The other thing that I came realized this past week is that if I have anything less than 100% acceptance, I am in resistance and fighting against what is. If I don’t completely accept the situation as it is, I am resisting it and as I’ve learned resistance is futile.  What I resist will persist. With the tire example, I can choose not to accept it, but the tire won’t change itself. I can blame the car, or the road, the last person who drove it. I can lament that I didn’t put the jack in the car or call all of my friends and complain about my flat tire…and I still have a flat tire. Even if I drive slowly, I will damage the tire. I am resisting and not accepting the situation as it is.

Once I accept and change the tire, the problem goes away, it no longer persists. It’s being an active participant in my life and not passively letting things happen to me. Living life on life’s terms doesn’t mean sitting back and lamenting. It is action. It is accepting what is and working towards a resolution.

Peace.

This is a link to reading this classic story Acceptance is the Answer. Click on the link and a PDF file will open. Scroll down the “Personal Stories Part II ‘They Stopped in Time’. The story “Acceptance is the Answer” is on page 407.