Recovery

Maintaining Equilibrium

/ Tim / 1 Comment

I’ve spent the last five days battling a tropical cold-flu combination that really kicked my ass. I’m on the mend now, but I know I still have to nurse myself back to health. I’ve slept more and seen more Netflix than I really wanted to this week. Those things I was planning on doing, well, they either went on or didn’t without me. Today I am going to venture out of the cocoon for a short bit and return home to relax. I’m not going to push myself.  I’m not 25 and I don’t bounce back as quickly as I used to.

The experience of this week has reminded me that I still have to take care of my physical self. I’m not superman, and even he had his kryptonite. It’s a reminder as well that what happens in the body affect the mind and visa versa. And a reminder of something I learned in the rooms early on: H.A.L.T. Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired.

Whenever I am stretched out in some way, emotionally, physically or spiritually, whenever I am off balance, that is when I have a greater chance of succumbing to a disease be it addiction or another disease such as the flu or cold. I’ve come to see over the years that there’s a very strong mind-body-spirit connection and what happens in one area affects all other areas. I’ve also come to believe that when I am stuck in bed it’s a good time for me to reflect on what is out of balance in my life and make the necessary changes to get myself back into balance.

Soon, I know, I will be back to my normal self, going about my daily chores and routines. I know it will be easy to slip back into the patterns that can lead me right back to where disease can take over again. In order to take care of my physical body I need to take care of it by getting enough rest, eating a balanced diet, and not letting my emotions run the show. H.A.L.T. reminds me that it’s easy to get myself off track and that it’s just as easy to get back on the path.

My spiritual, mental and physical health all require balance. A violin string that is too loose doesn’t sound, if it is wound too tight, it breaks, but when it is in balance, it creates the sweetest sounds. And like the violinist checking if he’s in tune, I must check to see that there’s balance in all aspects of my life. If I want to keep on track in my heath and in my recovery, I can’t take it for granted that ‘I’m okay’, I have to work at it constantly.

 

Celebrate EVERYTHING!

/ Tim / 1 Comment

I was trolling through the internet, looking for a theme to blog about, when I came across this picture on Facebook:

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It really caught my eye and got me to thinking. Life will always have its ups and down. There will always be things that I absolutely love as well as those things that I would prefer not to happen. I will triumph one day and the next I may want to bury my head in the sand. Regardless of what is happening I can celebrate it.  Acknowledge it and honour it and be grateful for it.

In going over my past with a fine tooth comb I was able to see that the people, the events and the situations of my past have all led me to where I am today.  Those great moments as well as my worst moments all contributed in the making of the “me” I am today. I am a work in progress that will never be perfect or ideal. So whatever is going on around me today is just as important in making the ever evolving “Tim”  as the people, places and things of the past. I can celebrate today’s challenges and successes because they indicate that I am moving, changing, growing. They push me to become a better human being. All I have to do is be willing to take the next step.

You don’t have to have a party to celebrate. Party hats and cakes aren’t necessary. Just a quiet internal moment of gratitude, acknowledgement, and honouring of each moment of time. It’s being mindful of the present. Life is short and changeable. Now is what I have. I can celebrate my screw-ups as well accomplishments.

I live. I learn. I grow. I celebrate!

I am grateful

 

 

 

I Don’t Got This

/ Tim / Leave a comment

I’ve learned a few things over the years by going to recovery meetings. And I have heard a lot of ‘suggestions’ as well. I’m going to add one more ‘suggestion’ to the pile: never say ‘I got this’, or ‘I didn’t before  but now I get it,’ or ‘I know what I’m doing now,’ or anything similar. It’s usually shared by folks with less than a year in recovery and, unfortunately, they usually stop coming to meetings and go back out.

What we have is a disease that is chronic and will never go away. I’ve learned in the rooms that I can never let down my guard. I must always be vigilant against the urge. I have heard too many people say that everything was going well and suddenly they  were slugging directly out of a bottle or sucking on a pipe and couldn’t understand what had happened; the disease happened.

Cunning, baffling, powerful. That is what we hear and it is so true. The disease of addiction is sly in its progress. It says that everything is good and you’re doing fine and that you ‘deserve’ or are ‘entitled’ to a bit of relaxation. Or it tells you that you are doing so well in the program because you’re really not an alcoholic or addict.  And down comes the cleaver: back into it again. I have learned that I can’t listen to my thoughts without the filter of my program. The second I say I’ve got this it’s like my mind opens up again to the disease.

“Practical experience shows that nothing will so much insure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics. It works when other activities fail.” Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 89

Step Twelve of our program asks us to work with others ‘intensively’. That is more than saying hi or sharing at a meeting. It is working with a sponsor or with a sponsee. It’s sitting down one on one with another in your recovery program and working the steps, deepening your knowledge and how to apply it to your own life. Working with others rewards by showing us what we need to do and by reminding us of where we came from. It keeps things fresh. And by keeping it fresh in our minds, we are reminded just how cunning, baffling and powerful this disease of addiction really is.

There is so much depth to the program. I am constantly amazed by people who have 10, 20 or 30 years in their program say at a meeting after reading some program literature that they don’t remember hearing this before. I am amazed at the comment of an old timer who had just over 50 years in recovery state at a meeting that he was still ‘just scratching the surface’ of the program.

So if I get a bit cocky at a meeting and say ‘I got this’ remind me of this blog post. I need to be constantly vigilant and living and sharing my program. Without it I am without defense against that first drug or drink. I am grateful for my program every day and I still have a lot to learn.