Higher Power

RINGING THE BELL

/ Tim / 1 Comment

When we come to a realization of a new reality, it is amazing how much that opens up and changes our lives. Think of when you got your driver’s license and got behind the wheel of your parent’s car for the first time alone! What freedom, what exhilaration, what a new world just opened up to you! You just made a huge levelling up on the independence scale! And after a few moments of this new found view of your world, you couldn’t imagine how you survived without that piece of paper in your wallet. It must be what a butterfly thinks as it’s remembering its life as a caterpillar: a complete metamorphosis. And this brave new world also comes with a caveat: once you’ve rung the bell, you can’t unring it. Once you know something that will change your point of view, your point of view is forever changed.

I’ve had such a world view changing experience this past week. I have been delving into the nature of consciousness and the human condition. Max Planck, a physicist and the father of quantum physics talks about consciousness as the matrix upon which matter finds its existence: a Universal Consciousness over all matter. From the simple single atom to a rock, to a one-cell amoeba, to a tiger and to a human being, all find their source in consciousness. Certainly we, as humans, have a self aware consciousness that is far above that of the amoeba, but how far below us might the whale or the great ape find itself, if below at all? And who is to say that we are at the apex of this Universal Consciousness. Upon further investigation, the deeper we peer into outer space, we will undoubtedly discover that there are beings or entities in the cosmos that are as far above us in consciousness and awareness as we are above a rock.

There is only one reality: Consciousness. Everything, absolutely everything, begins and ends here!

I suppose you could call Universal Consciousness ‘God’, but for me, that word carries far too much baggage. Say the word ‘God’ to ten different people from ten different areas in the world and you’ll get at least 20 different definitions of what it means, many of them contradictory, even when coming from the same person. I think of the word ‘God’ and I am immediately on my knees at church looking up at some Zeus-like being ready to judge me for my sins. I think it’s best for me at least to refer to it as Universal Consciousness or, as one writer called it, the Big ‘C’.

I am connected to all who have lived, on Earth, and on all planets!

Let’s carry this a little further into the theory of quantum physics. If all matter, which is built upon the framework of Consciousness, is twisted together in an intricate web of connection then it cannot be separated: quantum entanglement, then that means that all matter, whether here on earth or thousands of lightyears away, is One. And all Consciousness is also One: Universal. The space that is between you and me doesn’t separate us. It unites us into one, both in body (matter) and spirit consciousness. As well, the consciousness that each of us possess can be seen as part of the single Universal Consciousness. For me, this is a far more compelling concept of my relationship to the divine than an old man on a throne throwing thunderbolts: a concept that I could never go back to now that bell of Universal Consciousness has been rung.

Alice Walker

But one day when I was sitting quiet and feeling like a motherless child, which I was, it come to me: that feeling of being part of everything, not separate at all. I knew that if I cut a tree, my arm would bleed. And I laughed and cried and I run all around the house. I knew just what it was. In fact, when it happen, you can’t miss it. Alice Walker, The Color Purple

I sense that unity with all things, both seen and unseen. I feel like I have stepped out of the Platonic Cave and out of the shadows that I thought were reality and into a new light of being. I am part of the whole complexity of Universal Consciousness. And when we as human beings start to see how alike we are, the insignificant differences will fade away and we will work toward a better understanding of being a part of everything. Body and Soul. And when we have finally seen that, then perhaps we will begin to understand that which unites us with the rock, the animal, the planet, and the Universe. Matter and Consciousness are One.

I am intricately entangled with all life, all matter, everywhere!

This is one bell that can’t be unrung. And it is going to take some more time to fully unpack what it means.

Please share your ideas about this with me in the comments on this or any other article in Recovery River. Thank you.

The “Care” of My Higher Power

/ Tim / 1 Comment

Many folks do very well in recovery until they come to working Step Three. Here we are asked to make a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the ‘care of’ a Higher Power, as we understood him. And many balk at this step. Their past experience has not been positive when dealing with things around God and religion. I understand. The God I grew up with wasn’t easily understandable: at one moment, kind and loving and at another throwing my soul to the bowels of hell for all eternity.

As much as I tried to work within the religion I grew up with, I couldn’t. So I left it, took a fork in the road to another idea, that of spirituality. My addiction did a great deal to slow down my progress along this road but with recovery, I found myself moving forward again. I didn’t believe in some old guy with a white beard in some celestial space surrounded by throngs of angels. And while I appreciate Christianity and it was how I was raised, I no longer believed in that either. The truth is, I couldn’t have told you exactly what or how my Higher Power was, but I knew that there was something more than what my five senses could interpret from the world.

And that’s one of the miracles of this program. It doesn’t force me to believe anything. It’s a Higher Power of my understanding. I don’t expect you to understand my relationship to my that Power, and I respect your relationship to yours. As I have grown in recovery I have received greater understanding. I expect that I will continue to grow in that understanding. But what about those who are diligently working the Steps and are finding it difficult?

I’ve learned that you’re making a decision. It need not be all cut and dried and finalized. I know my understand of my H.P. certainly wasn’t then nor is it now defined. In fact, I don’t want to define that power because that will put limitations on it. I use the word ‘god’ in meetings, because it’s convenient, but it certainly isn’t ‘god’ in the traditional sense.

scenic view of night sky

Photo by Hristo Fidanov on Pexels.com

A regular at my home group who has been in the program for many, many years once shared with me that if a new person in the program is finding that they are living in less fear than they were before, then they have a Higher Power. If they are living a life that is more manageable, then they have a Higher Power. And if they are thinking about what they are doing before they do it rather than following their egos, then they have a Higher Power. They may not ever be able to define it, but they know that there is something that is helping them; something or someone with a greater knowledge that is nudging them along this path. If they want to call it God, or Christ or a G.roup  O.f  D.runks, it doesn’t matter. They’ve figured out that they’re better off with whatever Higher Power is ‘caring for’ them than when they were still out there and the person in their mirror was the one in charge of decisions!

Trust the process of the Twelve Steps: all of them. As you go along you will find that you are ‘cared for’ in so many ways. Open-mindedness and willingness go a long way in recovery to help us all to see that we are connected, which for me, is what spirituality is all about.

Pruning and Rejuvenation

/ Tim / 1 Comment

When I was in school, yes many moons ago, young Grasshopper, I learned that the cells of our body could regenerate.  That was why when I got a cut it would heal over. I learned that all cells could do this, except neurons. We were born with a certain number and there wouldn’t be any more coming to us. We even joked about it; when we had a night where we had gotten particularly blitzed, we´d say we had burned out a few more brain cells. However, it’s not true. Neurologists tell us now that we do generate new brain cells and continue to do so for all of lives. So, you can teach an old dog a new trick after all.

Neuroplasticity, the ability of the brain to reorganize and regenerate itself allows me to make changes to my life. It means that I am not condemned to the same thinking pathways, the same personality or the same Tim as I was when I was born. Change my neurons and I can change my thinking. I don’t have to be the same person I used to be. However, when the new comes in, the old has to move out to make room for it. There’s the rub!

If I have a Higher Power and I have put my will and my life into its care, then I have to allow it to make those changes to me. I have to give up the old Tim and welcome in the new Tim.  Of course, letting go of the old me is easier said than done.

I can see how I have changed since I came into recovery. I am not the same guy that first walked into my first meeting. By working and living the Twelve Steps, I have made major changes in my life and done my best to clean up the damage of my past. I feel I am a better person than before. However, I also feel that my Higher Power isn’t done with me yet. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life just maintaining the status quo. I want to continue to grow. So I have to let go.

I do that, or more honestly, I am trying to do that regularly. In the third step I ask that my Ego be lessened and that I be open to the plethora of possibilities before me. I ask for guidance which I receive via my sponsor and sponsees, through meditation, and by being aware of those serendipitous things which happen around me. I believe that it is important for me to continue to change and grow.

Image result for shrub pruningI am reminded of a particularly pretty flowering shrub I had on a property once. Over the years it had grown fairly wild. It wasn’t very thick, there was a lot of dead wood and it produced few flowers. After a bit of research on it, I follow the advice for a radical pruning and fertilizing schedule. It took a few years but the scrub grew new branches, thickened up and gave an incredible spring show of flowers. Still the same plant, but a completely different result.

So, I ask my Higher Power, in its care of my will and life to do the necessary pruning and fertilization in order to allow me to grow and change. I want new neurons and pathways to grow and create a new and evolving Tim. And it will happen as long as I have open-mindedness and willingness.Image result for rhododendron shrub