Early Recovery

Make Me Teachable

/ Tim / 4 Comments

There are many paths to get to where we want to go in life. There’s not necessarily only one road to get to where you are going, rather many options. What makes the difference between those who achieve their goals and those who don’t make it is, I believe, attitude. Human resource professionals say that given a choice, they will choose a candidate with a positive, eager attitude over one with more skills and education.  Someone with a good attitude who is willing to listen and learn can be taught the skills of a job, make it their own and thrive in their work environment.

When the addict is ready, the recovery program will appear.

It is my attitude that determines the happiness, joy and freedom that I will experience in recovery. It’s up to me to choose to do the work of the steps or not. Meetings and sponsors can invite me to do the work, but it is my attitude toward change, trying new ways of approaching life and the people around me that will carry me through. If I don’t think I can do it, I won’t. Like Yoda’s advice to Luke in Star Wars, “Do or do not, there is not try.” I have to put myself all-in-there if I am going to make it.

Achieving a positive attitude toward life requires humility: teachability. It’s realizing that I don’t know everything, I don’t have all the answers. It’s listening to people speak at meetings and relating to their experience, strength and hope. And it’s applying what we have learned to our own lives.

I remember a speaker say that at most meetings the 70-20-10 rule applies. Seventy percent of the time people share good solid material that can be applied at some point in the future. Twenty percent of the time what is being shared has you at the edge of your seat because it is exactly what you need to hear right at this moment. And ten percent of the time, he said, it’s an opportunity to practice patience and tolerance. The funny thing is what’s a 20% moment for me, might be a 10% moment for the fellow sitting beside me. I don’t ever remember a meeting where I didn’t come away with something useful.

You can lead an addict to a meeting but you can’t make him recover.

Going to meetings is part of my program of recovery. I followed the recommendation of 90 meetings in 90 days in early recovery and it helped to develop a positive attitude and a yearning to work the Twelve Steps of the program. I discovered that I had a lot in common with the addict with six months sitting beside me or the alcoholic with 15 years across from me. I learned that I didn’t have to invent new ways of dealing with life on life’s terms; I could use the tools that others happily shared at meetings to create a path to where I want to go in life: living in the solution.

 

An Easy Way?

/ Tim / 1 Comment

Twice this past week I heard about a pill that will remove addiction and bring a person into recovery. Taking the pill is supposed to stop the cravings and even allow an alcoholic to take a drink or two without triggering a fatal obsession of needing ‘more’. What a magic pill indeed that might be to those for whom it is effective. However, I have learned that the disease of addition is three part disease: physical, emotional and spiritual. A pill only deals with the physical side of our disease.

I don’t claim that a twelve step recovery program is the only way to find a way out. I only know it works for for me, as long as I work this program. It is a program that treats all three aspects of my disease. A pill, while it seems the answer to an addict’s problems, is an easier, softer way that ultimately won’t work because it doesn’t deal with many of the root problems that result in addiction. By working the steps I was able realize that I didn’t just have a problem with substances, my real difficulties lay in my inability to face life as it is. As they say, “I came because of my drinking problem but I stayed for my thinking problem.”

The lure of the quick fix or easy money, is often impossible to resist. We want the results without putting in the work needed to achieve that result. I want the great car, but want to find a way to get it without having to work and save to buy it. I want the great relationship so I buy a book that will show me how easy it is. I want to quit drinking so I buy a pill so I won’t have to go to a recovery program and actually do the work I need to do about my approach to life.

Most of us know that simply removing the substance from an addict might force that addict to be clean or the drunk to be sober, but it won’t alter the fact that all the problems that we sought to escape are still there. All of the difficulties we had dealing with resentments, anger and fear are still there. Take the substance away and those character traits are all still present and often magnified because the drug or alcohol is no longer present.  I need the program to help me to deal with ‘me’, my resentment, anger and fear so that I can live with myself and others in relative happiness, joy and freedom.

If addiction were a simple disease that only had a physical component then popping another pill might be the answer. I have come to realize that it is multifaceted. Before coming into a twelve step program I stopped on my own several times, once for almost five years. When I started back, I was completely clean and sober. I can’t blame the substance for making me start again: there wasn’t anything in my system. I must learn how to deal with the emotional and spiritual components as well if I am to find a recovery that works.

 

Write It!

/ Tim / 2 Comments

I doubt there’s a group that makes larger mountains over the littlest of mole hills than people in recovery or those in dire need of it. We have the talent of building things up to greater and greater volumes of _________(you may insert the word ‘crap’ in here if you wish). So much so that it becomes overwhelming. Of course we relapse. Who could shoulder the weight of that mountain of stress?

How does this happen to us? We let it happen by allowing the little stuff to grow in our minds in an uncontrolled manner. If you’re new to recovery, it’s an untrained mind on top of it all. Even an “X” on your yearly coin is no guarantee that your mind won’t race wildly in any and all directions. It was ‘suggested’ to me in early sobriety that I begin a journal where I could write down some thoughts and perhaps see the progress. And like so many good newbies in recovery, I agreed that it was a good idea; and did nothing about it.

I started my journaling project about four years into recovery and have been lightly kicking myself ever since. It has been so worthwhile. Probably the greatest benefit for me has been my writing’s ability to bring the mountain down to size. I discovered that problems swirl and somersault in my mind. There’s often a three ring circus happening, the clowns are chasing after the monkeys and the ringmaster has gone for his lunch break.

Writing forces me to put things down concretely. It makes me seek the correct words for what is happening and how I am feeling. By writing it down, I can see the problem for what it really is, without all the drama that my mind likes to add on. It makes the problem ‘right sized’. Once I really get rid of the clowns and monkeys I am better able to look for solutions. I am able to apply the Serenity Prayer to discover what is within my ability to control and what is not. I can reason out various paths that will help to resolve what is going on in my life. By journaling, I find I am in the solution and not stuck in the problem.

It really doesn’t matter how you do it. Writing in a leather bound book is nice, but a school workbook will do just as well. I also use and online journaling site www.penzu.com that a friend introduced me to not long ago. Here it can be double and triple password encrypted if you feel the need. The important thing is that you get it down somewhere. Start small, just a few thoughts in the morning. It’s also a good way to begin or end your morning meditation. Just Write It!

“The longest journey is the journey within,” said Dag Hammarskjöld. Your journey can begin with a single step and that first step can be a journal.

Peace.