commitment

Renewed Beginnings

/ Tim / 2 Comments

This edition of Recovery River is number 49. It is hard to believe that I have written that many entries since July 13th. I have covered a good number of recovery topics and, as much as possible, based my comments on the steps and my personal experience. I have no idea where this blog is taking me in the future, but the past six months have been a time of discovery and journey in my life.

When I started this writing journey I had just ended a relationship that I had believed would last forever. I found out that my Higher Power had other plans. I don’t regret that relationship nor that it is now over. I can see now, with hindsight, that I learned a great deal about what it really means to be a partner to someone and how a relationship can grow and grow differently for both people involved. Through the aftermath of that change, I discovered how much I learned from my program and how much I could apply what I had learned about living life on life’s terms to my own life and about how important my friends in the program are to me. The greatest awareness that came out of it all is that I can and will survive everything that happens to me in life, until I don’t. Meanwhile, my Higher Power has been and continues to be by my side through it all.

Writing this blog has forced me to look at my own recovery program with a critical eye. I have had to ask myself some difficult questions of how I apply the twelve steps and twelve traditions to my own life. I firmly believe that my program of recovery today, while it is built on the foundation of yesterday, must be constructed anew each morning that I wake up; yesterday’s sobriety doesn’t keep me sober today. I have to apply myself each and every day.

These words I put out twice a week have forced me to commit to myself, my Higher Power and my personal recovery program. There were times when I really wanted to do other things besides sit down and write. But I made a commitment, a promise to myself and to those who follow the blog to provide insightful and timely thoughts on recovery, whatever program you follow. I believe that we can all use a twelve step program of some type.

I have committed to another block of time to this blog because my recovery is based upon the work I do on it today. I can see from the growth in my own program that this writing is good for me. So, in this the last blog of 2017, I ask you, my readers, where do you see this blog going? Do you have suggestions, possible changes, ideas, topics or themes that you would like me to cover in the next six months? Those reader who are not in a recovery program are also asked to respond. Any ideas on best publishing times, days of the week? I’m learning as I go along here and I’ve learned that I can’t do it alone either.

I look forward to your comments and suggestions. Happy Old Year Folks!

Peace.

Don’t Forget your Program

/ Tim / Leave a comment

As the end of the year approaches, it seems that time moves faster. There seems so much that needs to be done and little enough time to complete it. It’s just a perception; the earth doesn’t spin any faster this time of year, but we want to squeeze in so much more in a period of 24 hours. My message today is: don’t forget your program.

When things are moving at a fast past it is so easy to let a meeting or two or seven slip by. Once a couple of days goes by and we feel that we’re okay,  we begin to think that if we made a couple of days without a meeting, we’ll be okay skipping another day. Maybe yes, maybe no. I always have to remember that I am just a couple of bad decisions away from a substance. After that, all bets are off. These holidays are tough for a lot of us. We’re dealing with family: the people who have years of experience at pushing our buttons. And we’re dealing with a lot of expectations, ours and those of others. Depending upon where we live, there may be a blast of nasty weather blown into the mix. This time of year, probably more than any other time, is filled with opportunities to do the next right thing, as well as the next wrong thing, especially where our recovery is involved.

I have a friend in the program from NYC. He’s a great guy who works a good program. One of the things he often shares and that stuck with me is this.  He tells it, “When I came into the program I got a lot of very good suggestions. The were all given freely and free for me to use by members who had a lot more time in the program than I did. I took those suggestions. The only ones I had to pay for were the ones I didn’t take.” Work your program, especially when you don’t feel you have time for it. Make being clean and sober your number one priority. If you put your job, or your family or preparing that perfect Christmas ahead of sobriety, you are putting yourself at risk of losing everything, including all your clean time. Failing to heed this suggestion may turn out to very costly indeed.

Somewhere along the line many of us were told to believe that we had to constantly prove our strength and our worth. You don’t have to do that anymore. You don’t need to prove you’re stronger than your substance by putting yourself in harms way or by tempting yourself. None of us is made of stone. Things affect us. You don’t have to lead yourself into temptation. The old standby slogan of H.A.L.T. is especially true this busy time of year: Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. Make sure that you treat yourself to what you need in your life: Recovery. Let that be your gift to yourself and your loved ones.

Feliz Navidad, Merry Christmas, Joyeux Noël.

 

Commitment

/ Tim / 2 Comments

Many people come to the program as tourists. They’ve heard about the twelve steps program from a family member, perhaps a TV movie or sitcom. There’s something in their lives that isn’t going well so they make the effort to find a meeting in order to see what it is all about and then they go back home. Perhaps they are around for a week or two, listening and hearing what is said but, then they go back to live their lives. Vacation from using and drinking is over and they return to their lives as before.

There’s nothing wrong with this and from the beginning twelve step groups knew that they weren’t everyone’s cup of tea and that some folks would come and go. It’s expected.  Everyone is welcome to visit, learn and take away that learning. Not everyone who come into the rooms is an addict or alcoholic. Who knows, perhaps what they learn will be passed onto someone else in the future. Or perhaps they need to go back for more experience in their world before they are ready to admit they can no longer handle their addiction and want change. Remembering their experience in the rooms, perhaps they will return. Not everyone is ready for a commitment to their recovery when they first arrive.

For other people, it’s only when their home is destroyed, the battles are raging and there is nothing left that they will make the shift to recovery. These folks come as refugees to our doors. They really can’t go back because there’s nothing to go back to; everything has been destroyed. We welcome them because we have been there too. We know the destruction and the battles that raged around them. They are just as we were. These folks are no longer tourists at the table, they are now ready to make the commitment to do whatever it takes to stay clean and sober.

I first came to recovery as a tourist.  I really didn’t have a desire to stop, I had a desire to learn how to control the firestorm that was closing in on me. I wanted to get back to how it was before, those good times, when partying was fun. I wanted to slow down a bit, get some peace, figure a few things out and continue.

But I’m not a regular tourist. Never have been. I don’t stay at big all inclusive resorts and hang out with other tourists. I like to go and see how the locals live. I like to eat at local restaurants and stay away from tourist traps. I guess I did the same thing when I arrived at my first meeting. I wanted to see what was really happening, not just what a tour guide might show me. I arrived with an open mind, ready to see how these ‘locals’ were living their lives.

I am grateful that it didn’t take a long time for me to realize that I didn’t want to be a tourist. I was welcomed. I was invited to come back. I listened.  I was given hope. Soon I was able to see that I while I could go back to my life as it was, I could also stay. My life wasn’t completely destroyed, but like a river that undercuts its bank underneath a house, I knew that collapse was imminent: complete destruction was on its way. My whole life was on the verge of falling piece by piece into the river until nothing was left.

I made a commitment. I made a commitment to the program and to myself. I wasn’t a tourist here. I desperately needed what everyone else had. I was willing to follow, and still do, the five things I was told at the beginning: don’t use, go to meetings, get a home group, get a sponsor, and work the steps. Until there’s a commitment to stay, people are tourists in the program. Very often at the end of meetings people say together: “Keep coming back, it works if you work it.” I have a friend who says something I like equally as well. He just says: “Stay.”

Thank you Charlie for your share that inspired me today.