Attitude

Become the Exception

/ Tim / 2 Comments

My next birthday I will turn 60. Hard to believe that I came into this world so long ago, though apparently, I didn’t want to: I was a breech birth (sorry Mom). Soon I’ll be eligible to collect a pension and receive all sorts of discounts.  So I am supposed to be winding down my life and live comfortably in retirement. Only, that’s not what I want to do.  I want to be one of the ‘exceptions’ that comes into my own as I enter my golden years.  Fair warning, I am not planning on slowly fading out of this life by preparing for the next!

I have been doing a lot of reassessment of my life and where I want it to go.  What do I like? What do I see myself doing? Where do I see myself doing it? The type of questions that I answered back 40 years ago when it was suggested that I would make a great teacher (I spent many years involved one way or another with education) or mortician (oh yeah…like that was really going to happen!) I just want to know where I want to go in the next chapter of my life.

I have never been known to follow the regular path. I have been an exception to the rule.  As a teen, I complained that my younger brother didn’t have as many responsibilities as I did when I was his age. My father would look down at me and tell me it was because I was an ‘exceptional child’.  I really didn’t appreciate his response then, but I guess I was. Throughout life I gravitated to various positions, not really having a full-time career since I left teaching elementary school at 28. Lots of contract work, freelance, seasonal business and now settled in the south as a landlord and B&B owner in a country where I had to learn a new language and culture.

What I have been discovering in the past few weeks of investigation is that I can choose to be an exception to the rule. I can forge ahead and create new pathways for myself rather than follow well trod path of others of retirement age. Recovery had taught me that if I want to fulfill my dreams, then I had better work for them and not expect them to arrive at my door. I have some longevity in the family and I don’t want to spend the next 30 to 40 years twiddling my thumbs waiting for the grim reaper. I want to be the exception.

I am working on the next phase. I am working on my writing. I will continue to question and seek new answers because that’s what an exception does. I want to be the guy that the devil worries about when I awaken in the morning and I want to die sliding into home plate in a well used body. I’m pretty sure that doesn’t happen if I’m sitting in a rocking chair watching Netflix all day long.

There are exceptions to every rule in life. Some kids make it out of the ghetto. Some horses with lousy odds win the race. Some ‘seniors’ begin a new career late in life.

Dare to try. Change beliefs. Step out of the comfort zone. Be the exception because, as far as I know, this is the only life we get; I intend to really live it.

Where will your road take you?

Consistency

/ Tim / 3 Comments

I hate to admit it, but I haven’t been consistent lately.  I don’t know why, but lately I have been allowing stuff to slip. And like I wrote a while back, it is far easier to maintain something at 100% than 98%; once I allow myself an ‘indulgence’, it is that much easier to find a logical reason the next time. In the same way I must be consistent about my sobriety, I also need to be consistent about by daily routines.

Maybe it’s my disease, or one my ‘isms’ but once I cross the line of allowing a variation whether a diet, or exercise routine, or any other personal commitment to myself, it is too easy to ‘let it slip’ the next time. As a former sponsor used to say, as we go along, the path becomes narrower. I have to stay vigilant about myself. My circle of control only extends to the end of my reach, once I lose control in one area, it is far easier to lose it elsewhere. Slowly, or sometimes, in a cascade, all of the old habits fall back into place and it seems I’m back where I started.

In doing a bit of research into consistency in life, I have found several common threads. First, a daily commitment to how I want to live my life. In the same way that I learned how to live with sobriety one day at a time, I’m encouraged to do the same with a change in life habit. I commit today, regardless of how yesterday went and without worry about the future: just for today.

The second thread I read about over and over is the development of a meditation practice. I can’t bend into the lotus position but I can still develop my own manner. So much of the literature on being consistent talks about a quiet time, usually first thing in the morning where one can connect to self and then, to the rest of the world. It doesn’t really matter if you want to chant, listen to music, nature sounds, focus on breathing, or practice mindfulness. Starting off the day with a solitary practice that works for you will help to focus on where you want the rest of the day to go. If it means setting the alarm clock even five or ten minutes earlier, it will be time well spent.

Third, with the mind and spirit in focus, it is important to place the body in line. A short exercise routine will wake up the body. A walk around the block, stretches, yoga, Tai Chi, are a few of the options; what works for you is the most important. A solid, healthy breakfast everyday will ensure sufficient energy to meet whatever the day will hold. Your mother was right, breakfast is the most important meal of the day.

In order for me to keep with it, I must begin each day ‘with it’. I  guess that if I can begin the day well, then there is a much better chance at me being consistent for the rest of the day. I can’t expect to run a marathon without training, I can’t expect results without commitment and I can’t expect to have a consistent day if I don’t start it consistently. Yes it take dedication and it gets results.

 

Sixty Seconds of Woe

/ Tim / 2 Comments

We all do it. We look at the negative aspects of our lives and ask why me? Oh woe is me! Look at how bad things are. I can’t get past this. Why did this happen to me? How come it always goes bad for me? We end up focusing on those aspects of life that we don’t like. But while we do that, we sap our energy, waste it actually, because “woe is me” never contributes to a solution.

When I allow self pity to take my energy I am saying to myself that I can’t overcome whatever difficulty that might be present. I don’t look for a solution and I don’t take action. I am focused on the past, on what happened and I allow this to define me. This way of thinking can easily take me down a depressing path that leads me further into self loathing and self hatred. Self pity is just another form of an ego trip: cause it’s all about me and only me don’t you know!

I just can’t allow myself to go there.  It is too destructive.

Not long ago I read that when something happens that you wish hadn’t, you give yourself a minute to wallow in the self pity.  You can cry, pound your desk, shake your fist at the heaven, yell as loud as you want or whatever other non-destructive behaviour you wish; you have sixty seconds to complete this task. Once the time it up, it’s up. After one minute of lamentations it is time to move on.

We all want things to go well, to follow our plan. And they don’t always. I can embrace the failures of my past and learn from them to find a new solution. This time my solution might work, or it might not. There is no guarantee. So if it doesn’t work out a second time, I can give it one minute of sobbing into the wind and then back to seeking a solution. Then it is time to keep to the present and move forward, one step at a time.

Focusing on the past and on failures will never lead to solution. It’s okay to grieve over what didn’t go as planned, but it is important not to let myself become bogged down in that quicksand of self destruction.  I need to move forward. So I will try to remember that I can allow myself a minute of woe, and then it’s time to move on. There is a solution!