An Open Mind

March 15, 2018 / Tim / 2 Comments

As I journey down my own path of happy destiny I am discovering that one of the greatest gifts of my recovery is an open mind. I endeavour to keep my judgements of others to a minimum. I look to dig deeper into life and develop a greater understanding of it. I keep asking questions and seek answers. I look to others the help me on this quest because I know that alone I’m not all that great finding those solutions. After all, my best thinking landed me at the doors of a recovery program.

Having an open mind frees me from judging what others people do. If I don’t judge something as right or wrong then there little chance it’s going to irritate me, cause me to feel anger or develop a fear or a resentment. Having an open mind allows me to see that I have a very limited perspective on things. Good or bad, I see now, are relative. What is good for the lion isn’t so great for the gazelle and visa versa. I have plenty of work understanding my own reasonings sometimes; I’m really not up to judging someone else’s rational. I really didn’t know what was good or bad for me so how could I judge it for another?

Having an open mind allow me to really ‘live and let live’. In the same way that I’ve discovered that yesterday’s answers may not be the answer I need today, I realize that my answers may not work for someone else. I can see that everyone of us is on our own path of discovery and we all take that path at our own pace. Why is it that someone comes into recovery at 25 and it took me another 25 years for me to get to it? I am on different path and moving at a different speed.

Having an open mind allows me to look at different religions, spiritualities, concepts of a Higher Power and how it all works together. I am fascinated by the beliefs and rituals of people around the world. I enjoy talking to people and reading of people’s experiences. I find that the more I do that, the more I grow in understand my own Higher Power and the less likely that I will judge others or their actions.

Finally, having an open mind gives me peace of mind. I don’t have to constantly be defending my position and beliefs. I don’t see other’s actions as purposely done against me. I need not point out that I’m right and you’re wrong. I can accept things as they are, not how I think they should be. If I’m not occupied by what should be done or could have been done I have more free time to continue my exploration of this path and enjoy life. And that, I think, is the whole point. Indeed, what a gift is an open mind.

I am grateful.

Embracing our Addiction

January 22, 2018January 21, 2018 / Tim / 4 Comments

I was talking to a fellow this morning who was with the four horsemen: Terror, Bewilderment, Frustration, Despair. He had been sober for six months until Christmas and then decided to join the festivities. He now finds himself with no job, no home and few resources. It’s never his fault: someone else is always to blame for the soap opera that he’s living. It’s work, relationships or politics. All fingers always point away from him. We’ve talked about program in the past, about rehab, but he’s always sure that he can do it on his own. He believes that his relationship with his Saviour will save him. Only it doesn’t seem to be happening this way.

I’ve seen him repeat the process of sobering up, cleaning up, getting along okay for several month and then binging out of control until he comes to, one morning, realizing that they’re back again. I hope someday soon he’ll be ready to stop trying and start doing. I’ve learned in recovery that I cannot give him my sobriety. I can only tell him my story and hope that he can relate to it enough to make changes for himself. We carry the message, not the mess.

How do we stop and stay stopped? I believe it is by embracing our addiction. I believe that what I resist in my life will persist. If I resist the changes in my life, I will be faced with lots of changes. If I resist conflict, I will be surrounded by conflict on all sides of me. If I resist anger, then people, places and things that I cannot control will be all that I see. I have to stop resisting these things and embrace them, accept them, and ask myself what I can learn about them.

When I resist something I am putting my focus onto it. I resisted before I arrived at the meeting rooms. I told myself I could manage this, I could control it, I could function, I wasn’t living on the streets. I was focused on trying to prove to myself that I wasn’t one of those people. Only, of course, I was. Coming into the program of recovery I embraced my addiction: I accepted it as a part of me and I accepted that ‘I’ wasn’t able to do anything about it alone. I dropped my resistance and that allowed me to change my focus onto recovery, but first I had to realize that I needed recovery.

My buddy who is facing the Four Horsemen? He’s still resisting. He’s still focused on his disease and unable to admit he can’t control it; he’s trying to push his disease away. I hope that someday soon he will make the choice to accept and embrace his addiction. Once he does, I’m sure that he can leave behind the Terror, Bewilderment, Frustration and Despair that have been stalking him and find his own long-term serenity in recovery.

Peace my friend.

As I Am

January 15, 2018January 14, 2018 / Tim / 2 Comments

I am always amazed at how much we try to impress others. We think we have to dress a particular way, drive a special car, live in an upscale neighbourhood, speak in a certain way or dress in the newest fashions. We have a need to make ourselves appear more than what we are. I think it goes beyond ego to something instinctual; a need to show off and impress, sort of like the mating rituals of birds or the rutting contests of rams.

Life doesn’t have to be such as contest, It can be absolutely wonderful when I keep it simple. Some of the best meals I’ve eaten have been well prepared good food eaten in great company. The beauty of a sunset or the gait of a majestic horse are simple, plain and yet very memorable. A walk with a friend by a river or a stroll through a park can give me peace of mind. And these are all simple, unadorned things. I don’t need to impress. I am perfect just the way I am.

It’s taken a long time to get to this point in my life. And I admit that I can easily slip back into old habits of ‘dress to impress’, or ‘be there or be square!’ But I’ve learned that most people aren’t thinking about me; they’re wondering about what others are thinking about them! Like the young boy whistling in the dark, trying to convince himself that he’s not afraid, we strut and pose hoping that people won’t notice that we might not ‘fit in’ with the ‘in’ crowd. In recovery, I’m discovering that perhaps I don’t want to fit in, and that the in crowd is way out of where I want to be.

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind” Dr. Seuss

I’m learning in the program to become right sized. I need to keep my ego in check; I am neither more nor less than who I am. I need not impress others. I am fine just the way I am: a human being trying to be whole and authentic. If others don’t like the direction I’m heading, that’s fine. I’m not responsible for what others think and say about me. I’m learning to let that go.

Today I prefer simple. I like honest. I seek knowledge. What I drive, where I live or who I hang out with are no longer my priorities. Yes, I prefer certain things in life, but they don’t make my life. I could lose them all tomorrow and I will still be just fine. I am learning to carry with me the memories and the lessons of life that never fall out of fashion. I am grateful.

Peace