acceptance

Sixty Seconds of Woe

/ Tim / 2 Comments

We all do it. We look at the negative aspects of our lives and ask why me? Oh woe is me! Look at how bad things are. I can’t get past this. Why did this happen to me? How come it always goes bad for me? We end up focusing on those aspects of life that we don’t like. But while we do that, we sap our energy, waste it actually, because “woe is me” never contributes to a solution.

When I allow self pity to take my energy I am saying to myself that I can’t overcome whatever difficulty that might be present. I don’t look for a solution and I don’t take action. I am focused on the past, on what happened and I allow this to define me. This way of thinking can easily take me down a depressing path that leads me further into self loathing and self hatred. Self pity is just another form of an ego trip: cause it’s all about me and only me don’t you know!

I just can’t allow myself to go there.  It is too destructive.

Not long ago I read that when something happens that you wish hadn’t, you give yourself a minute to wallow in the self pity.  You can cry, pound your desk, shake your fist at the heaven, yell as loud as you want or whatever other non-destructive behaviour you wish; you have sixty seconds to complete this task. Once the time it up, it’s up. After one minute of lamentations it is time to move on.

We all want things to go well, to follow our plan. And they don’t always. I can embrace the failures of my past and learn from them to find a new solution. This time my solution might work, or it might not. There is no guarantee. So if it doesn’t work out a second time, I can give it one minute of sobbing into the wind and then back to seeking a solution. Then it is time to keep to the present and move forward, one step at a time.

Focusing on the past and on failures will never lead to solution. It’s okay to grieve over what didn’t go as planned, but it is important not to let myself become bogged down in that quicksand of self destruction.  I need to move forward. So I will try to remember that I can allow myself a minute of woe, and then it’s time to move on. There is a solution!

Celebrate EVERYTHING!

/ Tim / 1 Comment

I was trolling through the internet, looking for a theme to blog about, when I came across this picture on Facebook:

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It really caught my eye and got me to thinking. Life will always have its ups and down. There will always be things that I absolutely love as well as those things that I would prefer not to happen. I will triumph one day and the next I may want to bury my head in the sand. Regardless of what is happening I can celebrate it.  Acknowledge it and honour it and be grateful for it.

In going over my past with a fine tooth comb I was able to see that the people, the events and the situations of my past have all led me to where I am today.  Those great moments as well as my worst moments all contributed in the making of the “me” I am today. I am a work in progress that will never be perfect or ideal. So whatever is going on around me today is just as important in making the ever evolving “Tim”  as the people, places and things of the past. I can celebrate today’s challenges and successes because they indicate that I am moving, changing, growing. They push me to become a better human being. All I have to do is be willing to take the next step.

You don’t have to have a party to celebrate. Party hats and cakes aren’t necessary. Just a quiet internal moment of gratitude, acknowledgement, and honouring of each moment of time. It’s being mindful of the present. Life is short and changeable. Now is what I have. I can celebrate my screw-ups as well accomplishments.

I live. I learn. I grow. I celebrate!

I am grateful

 

 

 

The Three E’s

/ Tim / 4 Comments

I have a friend in recovery who, when he talks about the root of his problems and difficulties in life, says he can always trace them back to one of the three E’s: Ego, Envy and Entitlement. Whether it’s a problem with a coworker, or partner, how he’s feeling about a situation, or even how he’s been thinking about himself, he can always find one of the three as a key source to his approach to the situation.

Ego say that this is mine and you can’t have it. Envy says that what you have really should be mine. Entitlement tells me that it’s mine and I deserve it. Of course we can boil all three down to just the one: Ego; it’s all about me. What you have should be mine and you can’t have what I’ve got.

In an of itself Ego isn’t good or bad. It’s a person’s sense of self-esteem or self-importance. I can have an inflated sense of self, thinking I am better than another or I can have an inferior sense of who I am  When combined with the disease of addiction, or as I often hear it said, the desease of ‘more’, my sense of self is so great that everyone else is beneath me or I think the opposite where I feel I am as worthless as  whale dung on the ocean floor. Like so much else in life, it’s hard to find the balance between the extremes.

I can often find myself with the desire for what others have. I think that’s normal. It can help to motive me to change and move so that I too may share in what another has. But envy has no such desire to change. I want what you have, and I feel I’m entitled to have it. I don’t want to work for it, you should give it to me. Or, I have something and you can’t have it. As with ego, it can be inverted too where I have the feeling that I don’t deserve anything, and am worthy of nothing.

In recovery, like many other things, the trick is to find that elusive balance between the extremes. When it’s in balance, I have a sense of humility; the acceptance of who, where and what I am at this present moment. Balance is difficult to achieve. A mote of envy or a pinch of entitlement on either side can tip that balance one way or the other and start the slide down the scale and away from balance. I used to be blatantly unaware of the three E’s in my life.

Today I usually recognize when I am envious, arrogant or ego driven while I am in it, or shortly after the fact, and I can do something about it. Keeping the balance between need and desire is not easy because the river of life is full of turns and current and rapids that constantly test my sense of balance and threaten to tip me into the water. Staying in the moment helps me to deal with that which is at hand and keep myself afloat. With practice, finding the balance does get easier.

I am grateful.