When We Were Wrong

October 19, 2017October 18, 2017 / Tim / Leave a comment

There’s no shame or harm in changing your direction. In fact, it’s often absolutely necessary if we are to survive and remain sane! Isn’t that what we are praying for in the Serenity Prayer: courage to change the things I can? Whether it is a minor course correction or a major shift in my life direction, I need to step out of my comfort zone and make those changes. If I am to be happy, joyous and free, then I must be willing to change and do what I must as I trudge the road of happy destiny.

I read a few days ago again that an airplane is off course 90% of the time. Wind is constantly blowing that metal tube about, shifting it’s position. There are often cloud banks and storms the the pilot can avoid by navigating around them. The pilot or autopilot is constantly making subtle changes in order to keep the airplane safe and to bring it back on course to its destination. And though it may seem a miracle, it lands on time and where it was supposed to land.

It’s not a miracle, not really. It’s a result of the constant attention of the flight crew. Those constant course corrections nudge the plane back on course. A constant check to see where it is headed. That’s what Step 10 is all about: course correction. “Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.” This is our regular measure of where we are and where we are headed.

Especially early on in the program, it is so easy to stray in our thinking. Everything is new: sobriety, sharing, slogans, steps and sponsors are part of a whole new vocabulary in our lives. It seems there is so much to learn and at the same time so much to forget. The good news for newcomers, as I was told early on, is that you can start to practice any step that has a “1” in it right from the beginning, so steps 10, 11 and 12 can be worked while you’re still on the first step.

It need not be complicated, and you probably already do it to some degree. At some point in the evening we can go over the day and pick out what went well, and what didn’t. If we need to, we can talk to our sponsor about it. It may well be that we had acted like a jerk to a friend or coworker and tomorrow we can apologize. No need to take on the sins of the world here, just a simple, “I’m sorry, I acted like a jerk yesterday.” is all that is needed. It doesn’t even matter whether the apology is accepted, because forgiveness is not the goal, clearing our conscience is! Keeping our own side of the street clean early in sobriety is a good way to practice the program principles. It helps to keep us true to this new direction we are headed.

And to be honest, even after years of sobriety, a slight variation in thinking can gradually lead to bad decisions that lead back to the bottle, the pipe and the syringe. Meeting rooms are full of people who were absolutely certain they “had” the program before and suddenly they found themselves back where they started, even after more than ten or twenty years sometimes. A spot check inventory helps to keep us in touch with ourselves, our program and our Higher Power. Like any other terminal condition, I must take my medicine which is the practice and the living of all of the 12 steps of our program, every day. I can’t let up; there is no “free” day here. It’s one day at a time, one day, everyday.

♥ ♥ ♥

Please like and share this blog, not to stroke my ego, but for those who need the courage, strength and hope to start and continue their journey down Recovery River. I would appreciate it if you would sign up and follow as well. My intention is to post Mondays and Thursdays. Please comment and offer suggestions. I’d love to hear from you.

Peace

A Call to Action

October 12, 2017October 11, 2017 / Tim / 2 Comments

For many, the Serenity Prayer is a nice little prayer that most of us say on a daily basis, or at least whenever we attend recovery meetings. We ask for ‘serenity’, ‘wisdom’ and ‘courage’ very nicely and hope that our Higher Power will ‘grant’ it to us. It may seem like a meek, humble prayer, but it doesn’t have to be. I believe it is a prayer of great strength.

When I came to recovery, the first step ‘suggested’ that I admit my powerlessness when it comes to drugs and alcohol. It wasn’t hard to admit. I couldn’t get very far in a day without trying to alter my body chemistry in some way. And for the most part, the rest of the day I was either pursuing more, money to get more, or scheming some way to make it all work. My whole day, hell, my whole being was caught up with my addiction. And once it was in my system, I just wanted more and more and oblivion. The next morning the cycle continued. No, admitting powerlessness wasn’t difficult. Addiction was managing my life; I sure wasn’t.

What I learned when I came into the rooms is that while I might be powerless before alcohol and drugs, I was not helpless. And there’s a big difference that I didn’t see before I arrived. Powerlessness means that while I may once have had power, I have lost that power; I must stand aside and let whatever happens, happen. There is nothing I can do to diminish or stop its progress. Helplessness implies a complete inability to change or react to circumstances. I acted helpless when I arrived. But it wasn’t long before I heard that there were indeed things I could do to maintain my sobriety: stay away from my old haunts, go to meetings, give other members a call, read the literature. I felt at first that it was a daunting task, but I could do something to help myself. Indeed, while I wasn’t fighting it alone, the responsibility to take up the sword and lead the battle against my disease fell to me.

The Serenity Prayer became my battle cry. I claimed the serenity, courage and wisdom and fought my demons. There were many days where I would hop onto my motorcycle and ride, going nowhere in particular, saying the Serenity Prayer over and over and over. And slowly this mantra gave me blessed me with a calmness that would start in my head and filter down to my heart. And I could return to face what I had just ran from.

By working all of the steps, I’ve learned how to deal with situations that before I couldn’t not have handled. I’ve found the serenity to accept, the courage to change and the wisdom to discern. One day I realized that the demons stopped knocking on the my door. Oh, I hold no illusions: I know they are still around, waiting up the street for me to slip up so they can come back with a vengeance. I know that I am still powerless over my addiction and always will be. However, I was not helpless when I first came into the program and I am not helpless today. There is always something that I can do and for me, the Serenity Prayer is my first recourse. Secondly, I still do the five things that were ‘suggested’ to me:

Don’t drink.
Go to meetings.
Get a Home Group.
Get a Sponsor.
Work the Steps.

These five things connected me. They connect me to my real self, to others, to the program and to my Higher Power. I never was alone, and now I know I am not alone.

Finally, I am reminded of a reworking of this prayer that also rings true for me:
God, Grant me the Serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the Courage to change the ones I can, and the Wisdom to realize that one is Me.

♥ ♥ ♥

Peace

Right-Size Me, Please

July 24, 2017July 23, 2017 / Tim / 2 Comments

Being the seventh month, we often focus on the seventh step: Humbly asked Him to remove all our shortcomings. The principle of this step is humility.

Humble, as an adjective is defined as meekness, lacking pride, arrogance or assertiveness. As a verb it is defined as the destroying the power, independence or prestige of something or someone. I believe that in being humble we accept that we are not all powerful, not completely independent nor do we possess advantage over others. It is being in a state of acceptance of what is, and not what was or could be. I don’t compare myself to others as being better, or worse. I see things as they are. Like the inventory I took in Step Four, I look at what is there, without judgement as to its quality. I don’t need to be supersized; that’s been my problem. I need to be ‘right-sized’.

Last year, after being in the program for several years it became apparent to me that I could use a bit, no, a lot more work on Steps Six and Seven. I worked with my sponsor, used the book: Drop the Rock, published by Hazelden along with my program literature. During my first go around with the steps I had spent about as much time on these two steps as Bill Wilson did in writing about them in the two short paragraphs on page 76 of Alcoholics Anonymous: ‘I am willing. Here they are. Please take them away.’ The second time around truly was an eye opener for me. What does it mean to humbly ask my Higher Power to remove my shortcomings?

I have come to discover that it means taking step three to a whole new level. Not only do I put my will and my life into the care of my higher power, I now allow that Higher Power to modify me in such a way that I must let go of what I know about who I am today. A lot of my character defects made up who I was. I was a perfectionist who would rather do it myself than watch someone else do it wrong. (And then I would have to do it over to do it right.) I had an arrogance about me because I had studied hard and have two post secondary degrees and one diploma. I suffered because others didn’t understand my importance. I had a sense of entitlement: I worked hard so I deserved my time to relax however I wished. I could go on, but you get the picture. These shortcomings were who I was, part of my personality. On my second time through these two steps I found out what the verb humble meant in my life; if I was truly going to have these shortcomings removed, I had to destroy them. The ‘me’ at the end of the experience would be very different from the ‘me’ I started as.

You see, I kind of liked who I was, what I did, where I was in life. I don’t like a lot of change. My character defects were defining me, telling me who I was, where I should be, how I should act and react. Without them I feared that I might become the proverbial ‘hole in the donut’. I had a big fight with Ego about that!

Humility in Step Seven takes courage. It isn’t easy to say: “Okay H.P., here I am, take away who and what I always thought I was and remake me”. I needed to trust that my Higher Power knows what he’s doing. I had to accept what is and what will come. Could I have handled this in early recovery the first time I did this step? I don’t know. It was difficult enough with five years behind me. The difference this time though, is that I had evidence that my life really is in the care of a Higher Power. I knew and could point out how I had changed for the better. I was no longer the sorry soul that walked into a meeting for the first time. I am light years away from that Tim. I am now able to understand that I still have a lot to learn about life.

Fortunately, when I completed Step Seven, my H.P. didn’t remove those defects of character right away and all at once. This is a process that takes time. Every once in a while the perfectionist gives his opinion about how things should be done. Periodically the arrogant S.O.B. walks past the addict sleeping on the street without compassion. Yes, I take my shortcomings back with regularity. I am grateful though, that slowly I am recognizing them as they are showing themselves. I am learning to listen to another’s method of doing a task. I can look on with love at someone who on a different journey than I am now. Slowly my Higher Power is doing for me what I could not do for myself: grow and blossom into a whole new being.

♥ ♥ ♥

I have been receiving lots of positive comments from you, my readers in the short time I’ve been writing this blog. If you think it can help someone, please share it with them in what ever way is most convenient: Facebook, Linkedin, Twitter, etc. or good ol’ copy and paste. I would appreciate it if you would sign up and follow the blog as well. My intention is to post Mondays and Thursdays. Meanwhile, I am enjoying this process immensely. There’s the whole new back end of the website and how it works that I’m learning as well as the research and thoughts that go into the finished entry. Please comment. I’d love to hear from you.

Once again, please like and share, not to stroke my ego, but for those who need the courage, strength and hope to start and continue their journey down Recovery River.

Peace.